Christmas Memories

I think that we all to some extent imagine our Christmas celebrations a certain way, have expectations, and compare the current to past Christmas experiences. I know that I for sure do. I love everything about Christmas - the lights, the anticipation, the shopping, the baking, the music and most of all the reason for everything- the Birth of our Savior!  In preparing for this years Christmas I thought back on a few Christmases that have come and gone and in my mind I compiled a short list of what I consider my best Christmas memories. Here they are:

This year- no snow on Christmas

#5 Our first Christmas as a Married Couple
 Luke and I went WAY overboard and opened presents just from each other for literally hours. It was insane and completely extravagant, but a nice memory.



Joshua's 1st Christmas

 #4 Joshua's first Christmas
 After and months of praying that Joshua would live, that God would heal him and that we wouldn't spend our Christmas in the hospital watching Joshua receive yet another transfusion, we had one of the most joy filled Christmases. Not only did we praise God for sending Jesus to come and save us from our sins and death, but we praised Him whole heartedly for being a god of mercy, faithfulness and a God that answers prayers. I can't remember one gift I got that year, I already had everything I needed.



#3 There was a Christmas when I was 7 years old
that will live on in my memory for as long as my memory remains intact. That year was just a regular old family Christmas. We opened gifts, played with our new toys, and ate snacks.When I thought that it was time to head for bed my dad went outside, and when he returned he was carrying a huge sack filled with more and more toys and treats for me and my brother. I can remember the how shocked and surprised I was. I couldn't imagine what the contents of the bag could be since I had already received all that I asked for and then some. He pulled out gift after gift. I only remember  few of them: Toss Across & a kids Pinball machine. It wasn't the gifts that make this memory so magical though, it's my dad. I remember the look on his face like it was yesterday. His smile was one of the biggest I'd ever seen on him. I saw the true joy of giving, which later as I'd become an adult I learned was a key component of my father's character. He just loved giving.

#2 The Christmas that Luke and I were engaged
was a stressful one to say the least. We were planning a wedding and wondering how we were going to meld two lives into one. One of the days that preceded Christmas was a particularly stressful one for me filled with wedding preparation kinks as well as teaching and getting grades ready for the end of the semester. Luke had called me early that afternoon to set up a date for the night- a usual practice. It became quite unusual though when he told me he would be by to pick me up around midnight. I cannot completely remember my response, but I can only imagine it being less than excited since I knew I would have to wake up early and teach the next day. He told me I should go to bed early, set the alarm, he'd by around midnight to pick me up for a surprise. When I walked out of my apartment and into the cold brisk air, and trudged through the snow to Luke's pickup I was extremely sleepy from my short "nap". We only drove about 2 blocks and he stopped the car at his house. I was definitely awake at this point since we never hung out at his house, but went along with the plan. The house was completely dark which was no surprise since he had already informed me he had no intention of putting up a single Christmas decoration since next year we'd be married and we could decorate together then. We approached the house and Luke opened the door, leaned into the entry way and flipped on the light switch. The room came alive, filled with Christmas lights, greenery, and a tree. He turned on the stereo and I heard Dean Martin crooning Christmas songs. The tree caught my attention from across the room. The decorations were familiar. Luke had called my parents and asked if they would be willing to part with a few ornaments, ones that still to this day we place on our tree and hold special childhood memories for me. I loved it. "This isn't the best part", he informed me. He turned on the TV and just beginning was an episode of one of our favorite shows Mad About You. It was the episode where Jaimie is freaking out over all of her wedding plans. It was perfect. The only thing was that they were only showing the episode at midnight.



#1 The last Christmas I spent with my dad


Dec. 26th 2009



 There was a huge snow storm right before Christmas and the interstate was closed down all over the state Christmas eve. I called my parents house to see what their weather was like. I was so sad. My dad said we shouldn't try to come even if they opened the roads in time. When I got off the phone I told Luke, "we're going if they open the interstate." He sighed and said, "I know, you won't miss Christmas with your parents." They didn't open the roads until the 26th but it was perfect because the 26th of December had always been a favorite day of my dad's. He called it Second  Christmas Day and has since I was a child celebrated it as though it were really it's own holiday. I called them once we were on the road and let them know we were on our way. My dad was ecstatic. There was nothing my dad loved more than having family home. He had told me he saved everything for me, the Christmas meal, the present opening, everything. I don't remember every detail of the visit since I had no idea it'd be our last Christmas together. However, he said one thing that I'll cherish forever. When I got to my parents house and greeted everyone, my dad hugged me super tight and said to me, "I knew you'd come, even when I told you not to. I knew you'd come, because you always come home. You know how much it means to me." I am so thankful that we spent that Second Christmas Day with my mom and dad, and I'm so blessed to have had such loving parents. I now strive to be that kind of parent for my own kids.

The Source of our Joy

Jonas is so laid back and low maintenance that Luke and I often find ourselves wondering if he's really our kid. He smiles constantly and is almost always giggling and squealing with joy. His smile is so contagious in fact that not that long ago I found myself telling Luke that God sent us Jonas because He knew I'd need all those smiles to get through the days that would follow my dad's death.

A few short days after my "Gushing about Jonas" session I spent the morning alone with him. Joshua had a doctors appointment and Luke had driven him into Mitchell for it.When they drove away Jonas stood at the door watching and shrieking as though they had forgotten him. I walked over to close the door and reassured him that they would be back for lunch and that he and I would have tons of fun during our morning together. Being the second child Joe and I have rarely been without Joshua for even a few hours so I figured he would revel in the chance to have me all to himself.

Crying, Whining, Pouting, and frowning had evidently been been added to the morning agenda by someone other than myself. I tried everything to get my sunny, happy Jonas back. We played on the floor. We looked at books together. I even gave him an extra snack time, and nothing seemed to work. He must be sick, or teething. Something must be wrong I concluded.

Finally I saw the makings of a smile begin pushing his rosy cheeks back where they belong. He was standing at the window and I crawled over to kiss him and tell him I was glad to see him happy again. As I leaned toward him I heard a car door closing. Luke and Joshua were in the driveway. I turned back to Jonas, but he had already crawled over to the door and was sitting impatiently waiting for it to open. Joshua ran into the room nearly knowing Jonas over. "Hi, Jonas!" He bent down to hug and kiss his brother, and I realized the source of Jonas's joy. Jonas giggled, blew a raspberry toward Joshua and smiled his 2 toothed grin.

In the nine months Jonas has spent with us I'd never noticed it before. All this time I'd been so busy thinking about Jonas and how he made us smile, that it never crossed my mind to wonder what made him smile.

This got me thinking about God as our source of Joy. The minute Joshua was out of the house Jonas failed to be 'himself'. It was as though Joshua had packed up Joe's happiness and taken it with him. What takes our  happiness away? When I have a day where  I just can't seem to put a smile on my face what's the reason. If God is my true source of joy my happiness should never be contingent on my circumstances. Circumstances may change but God never does. When Joshua left Jonas felt abandoned, he stood in front of the door and watched him drive away. The Bible tells us though, that God will never leave us or forsake us. No matter what happens in our lives, through disappointments, death , and tragedy, we are never without Him and His love for us. My happiness should never 'walk out the door' if it is rooted in Christ because He never leaves and neither does His faithfulness. He is always right beside us. Which is exactly where Jonas likes Joshua to be - right beside him.

A Gift or a Curse

The TV show Monk was one of mine and Luke's favorites for as long as it aired. Even now when we happen to catch a rerun we sit down and have a good laugh while Tony Shalub cracks the case in his unique way. If you've never seen the show, the main character Mr. Monk has a unique ability to notice things and uses this "gift" to solve murders. He however, is also plagued by this incredible ability and his sensitivity to everything has made him into a Obsessive Compulsive mess. One of our favorite lines from the show is Monk's response whenever he's asked about his crime solving abilities "it's a gift...and a curse" is always his response.

I took Joshua outside this morning and watched him play in the backyard while Jonas was napping. He rode his tricycle, pretended sticks were rockets, chased a bunny around the yard, and rolled around in his sandbox until entirely covered in damp sand. The air outside had a specific crispness to it. The kind of cool peacefulness that occurs every year around August when the backpacks start making their way to front displays at walmart and kids are excitedly looking at their school supply lists.

 I breathed in that crisp air and remembered the last time I was in school. I was finishing up my elementary education degree. I thought back on it fondly and then remembered the reality of my last semester on campus. Thousands of lessons plans, term papers, power point presentations, and of course the all time consuming professional portfolio were all things that had to be completed before I could move past the "paperwork" portion of my senor year and get to the student teaching. For a brief moment my chest tightened up and I distinctly remembered all the pressure I felt pushing on me.I loved teaching. When our children are grown and in school I intend to go back to the classroom and reignite my passion for education.

But as I sat watching Joshua this morning I felt so amazingly blessed. The opportunity to be a stay at home mom is such a gift. It's not easy, it's exhausting most days, and we make financial sacrifices that most couples our age would cringe at the thought of, but it is so worth it. It's worth wearing last years jeans, not having the fanciest SUV, and sending most of our paycheck to the insurance company.

When I remembered the stresses of school and thought back on the deadlines of lesson plans and parent teacher conferences I felt truly happy, that for what will seem like a brief moment in the years to come,  I had this great opportunity to let watching and guiding my children be my job. I've heard moms on maternity leave say things like "I can't wait to get back to work, I just don't know what to do with my kids all day." Or a mother who worked part time once said to me "When I've had 4 days off in a row I just can't wait to take my kids back to daycare so I don't have to see them all day."

It wasn't easy for me when I first started started staying at home. It was an adjustment for sure to transition from seeing hundreds of people a day to just me and my son, but so worth hanging in there and praying for God to let taking care of my family be the desire of my heart.  I pray sincerely that more mothers would let staying at home with their kids be a gift and not a curse.

Joe's a Bully!

Joshua's been a little under the weather the past couple of weeks. First he had a stomach flu bug for a couple of days and now he seems to have caught a bit of a cold. I'm not sure about other families but in ours sick seems to be a license to whine more. Luke even jokes with Joshua sometimes saying he can't understand "whine-ese." This all said Joshua has been in and out and back into his "whiny pants" alot lately. His main complaint however is a resounding, "Joe's a bully!"

You really shouldn't laugh at your kids when they aren't feeling well. "Joe's a bully!" Gets a chuckle out of me every time though. A three year old just should not be this intimidated by a 7 month old. Jonas is everywhere! Just having mastered crawling a couple of weeks ago, he is fast! Sometimes I turn around and think, " didn't I just see you playing in the living room, how'd you get back here so quickly?"

This plus Jonas's size make Joshua quite nervous. Joshua weighs 31 lbs. Jonas weighs 20lbs. Most of my recent days have been spent refereeing their quarrels which usually look something like this. Jonas has Joshua cornered, Joshua is whining that Joe is a bully while Jonas sits holding Lambie and laughing. Jonas thinks this is a game, but Joshua , the drama king, acts as though it is scarring him for life.

In addition to Joe's a bully another favorite line of mine is the newly added "Joe not a baby, Joe stands now!"  Just a few days ago Jonas pulled himself up for the first time and since then has been quick to repeat it. Much to Joshua's dismay, this has made Jonas seem like even more of a threat.  Several times I've caught Joshua trying to push Jonas back into the sitting position. My usual response to situations like this, "Joshua stop that please, Jonas is just a baby, you can't do that to him," is looking quite thin when Joshua replies, "Joe not a baby, Joe stands now!"

Hard to believe that it was just a few months ago Joshua was begging for Jonas to be his playmate. I think that this will be a passing phase. Hopefully soon replaces with the sweet giggles of them getting along, but until then echos of "Joe's a bully," and my laughter will ring throughout the house.

When I Finally Make It Home

For several months now I 've comtemplated writing a blog about my father. Every time I began one, however, I deleted it. I just could never seem to put into words what I wanted to say about him, or his death. "We grieve, but not as those who have no hope." I Thess. 4:13

My dad was stern, but fair. He never wanted to say anything bad about anyone and if he ever did he would always end up regretting it and saying, "I really shouldn't talk about them like that, you never know what's going on with someone." My dad told alot of jokes, stories, and had a good sense of humor. He was loved and respected. He was a talented teacher and cared about everyone he ever met. He invested in people and wanted to believe that there was good in everyone. He worked hard and loved his family.

If my dad had been able to see into the future. If even a year ago he had glimpsed the morning that he would die, he would have sadly smiled.  He woke up, drank his coffee, started getting ready to go to work, and went home to be with the Lord. I don't think he'd have written a different ending to that story.

What you may not know is that my dad loved working. He never wanted to retire. He had no desire to fish, hunt, or do any extra reading. In fact, I can remember him telling me once years ago, he wanted to teach until the day he died because it was his passion.

Since his passing, people often wonder how I'm doing. I miss him. I miss him so much that sometimes I have a stomach ache all day. I cry a little less all the time. I don't cry because he's gone though. I don't cry because I wish he was still here. I cry because my little boys will never run into their grandpa's arms. I cry because Joshua will never say I love you grandpa, and because Jonas never had a chance to meet my dad here on earth.

I see my dad sometimes here and there. I see him in Joshua smirky smile, in Jonas's laugh. I even hear him sometimes in the advice I give, and something I treasure is knowing that he saw himself in me.

After the funeral was over and I was getting ready to head back home, I asked my mom what I could do to help her. I told her I'd come home whenever she needed me.  I'd do whatever she wanted. I asked if she needed help boxing things up, filing insurance papers, anything. She only told me one thing, "Whenever you miss your dad, and you start to cry and feel sad that he's gone, you go and get your boys, pull them in real close, hold them tight and tell them that their grandpa loved them very much. That's all you need to do for me."

I do that everyday. When I think of my dad and my eyes start to fill with tears, I go get Jonas and I take him over to Joshua, I pull them in real tight and tell them, " Your grandpa loved you so much." Then before one tear can spill over, I get up, wipe my eyes, and pull myself together. They may not see their grandpa here on earth again, but they'll know him. They'll know what a good man he was and how much he cared for everyone. They'll know, because I'll never stop telling them.

Not that long ago I heard a song on the radio by Mercy Me. I'd heard it a million times before but never felt a connection to it. Then just as it began, it hit me hard as the first line unfolded, "I'm gonna wrap my arms around my daddy's neck and tell him that I've missed him." Frozen in that moment a tear ran down my cheek and I thought that's exactly what I'm going to do when I finally make it home.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnTu0i9cj-I&feature=related

The Sounds of "3 year old"

Already this morning my 3 year old and I have had 2 conversations that began with, "Where are your pants at?" The second time those words came out of my mouth it got me thinking about all the strange things that are said at our house. Any house containing children is no doubt filled with ridiculous phrases, conversations and odd noises. These days I find myself in the strangest situations and discussing topics I never knew required discussion.

Here is a current sneak peak into our home:

"No Jonas's ears are not suction cups, and please stop pulling on them, they are attached to his head." (thank you veggie tales)

"Sweetie Jonas doesn't want any pop tart, thank you for sharing but he doesn't have any teeth." "Joe, why you have no teeth?" "Joshua take your hand out of Jonas's mouth!" "But, he have no teeth, Joe have no teeth, why? why? Why, Jonas have no teeth?" (this still baffles Joshua most days)

"Where daddy at?" "Your dad is working, he's at the church." "Dada drives School bus at church!?!" "No, daddy drives the school bus and then goes to work at the church."
2 mins. later, "Where daddy at?" "I told you sweetie dad's at work." "Joe, dada has school bus at church." "Joshua stop telling your brother that. Daddy does not have the bus at church. Wait what am I saying Jonas doesn't care. Joshua, go play." ( Luke having 2 jobs is super confusing for Joshua most days.)

Joshua still consistently stands up at church and declares "that's my daddy!"

The other day when Luke was out of town Joshua and I sat down for lunch while Jonas was napping. "Mom, Jonas is crying." "No he's not, he's sleeping." "No, He crying." I jumped up to check, but I still didn't hear anything. "Mom you better go, Joe is crying." "Joshua, he is not, I just checked." "ok, but he crying." I walk closer and closer still not hearing anything, I get right to where Jonas is, and he looks and me and cries a little. I picked him up and brought him to the table."See Jonas was awake." I'm still not sure how he knew it.

Here are some strange things I end up saying:

"Stop licking your brother's face."
"Why did you pee there?"
"Why would I have to tell you not to put sand into your ear"
"Stop hugging people we don't know"
"take your foot out of his mouth"
"Take that pacifier out of your ear and give it back to him"

That's just this week so far...
It's such an adventure here.

I'd Rather Be at Starbucks

This past week Luke took a short trip to Orlando to attend meetings for our Church Conference.  When we first found out that the meetings would be held in Florida we daydreamed about me going along. We honeymooned in Orlando 5 years ago and had such a fantastic time we always talk about going back again. We knew however that Luke would have no real free time and it wouldn't be the kind of trip we wanted to take as a couple.

As the trip drew closer and closer I would hear Luke mention its location with a somewhat guilty tone. I could tell that he was sensitive to the fact that he would be in sunny Florida while I stayed at home with the kids. After leaving home very early Thursday morning to head for the airport in Sioux Falls, Luke actually missed his flight. Fairly disappointed about the change in plans, Luke called to let me know he's be in Sioux Falls for a little while waiting for the next flight out. I felt bad that his day wasn't going as planned and asked him what he was going to do to pass the time as he waited. "I think I'll head to a coffee shop and work on my sermon, you know, do some studying at a Starbucks or something." "You're gonna get to go to a Starbucks! Why can't you just stay at the airport?" I questioned him with some rather heated jealousy. Luke just laughed on the other end of the line. "You mean to tell me that all this time I'm planning my trip to Florida and not once do you act like it's unfair, but the minute I mention getting coffee and Starbucks you're outrageously jealous?" My response - "But now you're going to get a quiet cup of coffee, I want a quiet cup of coffee."

After hanging up the phone I smiled as I reflected on our conversation and I thought - wow my life has really changed. There was a time when a trip to Florida would have been a dream come true and filled me with abundant joy. Now I just don't need a trip to Florida to make me happy, I'm sure I'd have fun and I wouldn't turn a free trip down or anything like that, but I'm happy with things the way they are. I'm content. I love being with my family especially my kids. It feels good to know that God has blessed me so abundantly that I already have happiness and I don't need to search it out.



Happier than I ever knew I could be

 When I was 22 and out of college I wanted nothing more than to travel and experience everything that I could. I kept thinking that exotic experiences would make my life fuller and happier, but to be honest routine and mundane chores make me happier than I ever knew I could be. I no longer desire a week long trip to recharge, I only need a 15 min. coffee break and I'm ready to be back with my family. When I take a day off to go shopping while Luke watches the kids, I barely make it to lunch before I find myself lonely for their company. I have no need to be jealous of Orlando. What a  strange realization that I already have everything I ever wanted. Proof that God knows better than me what I need.

That Silly Blue Lamb

Ode To Lambie

Oh lambie with your dingy blue fur and limp stuffing-less body you are more loved than any stuffed animal could ever be loved. There is not a moment that Joshua breathes that he does not share with you. If you are left behind for even a moment you are greeted with the joy and excitement as if you had been missing for a year. You love Joshua even when he is naughty, when he leaves you out in the rain all night, when you're covered in chocolate kisses, and even when you've been used as a napkin after spaghetti night. You love and understand Joshua at all times, and for that I am grateful.

Joshua with a few Lambies at the hospital

Batman &Lamie at halloween

I do not know what it is about this silly animal but he has captivated the attention of yet another Baker Boy. Jonas is enamored by Lambie. At first Joshua was excited about sharing his 'friend' with his baby brother, but now that Jonas is growing up more quickly and beginning to crawl Joshua's excitement has faded. I use to hear from the other room the sounds of the boys giggling and Joshua saying, "here you go Jonas." But now I hear cries and "that's not yours!"

You would think that a boy who has 3 Lambies could spare one, but think again.  Joshua forbidding Jonas from engaging with them has somewhat backfired and peaked his interest in them even more. If Joshua disappears into the kitchen for a snack the second he is out of sight I see Jonas leaning and inching toward the now abandoned Lambie. Just a brief moment later Joshua reappears in the living room and spying Jonas in Lambie's vicinity he races over and rescues his pal from tiny hands. I chuckle to myself enjoying the entire interaction and just as I'm turning away I see a sneaky smile creep across Jonas face and I tear up a little knowing that the relationship Joshua and Jonas have ahead of them will truly be an adventure.

Joshua and Labies first waterfront adventure

I'm not sure when the right time to wean Joshua off of Lambie will be. I think that Joshua will know. He already leaves him in the car from time to time when we head into walmart or McDonalds. Of course when he reunites with Lambie after the short break I can always hear him in the backseat giving Lambie a detailed account of all the things he missed while he waited in the car. I think that I will probably be more heart broken than Joshua when it's finally time to say goodbye to Lambie. After all he's been there through some pretty difficult times; many Doctor's appointments, cleft pallet surgery, potty training, Joshua's first big scrape, the day he first met Jonas, the first time he slept in his big boy bed, the first time he had the stomach flu, every road trip, every bed time and every nap. When I look through all the pictures I have of Joshua I can pinpoint exactly when Lambie showed up on the scene. From the day he came home from the store he has loomed in background if not at the forefront of everything Joshua has done and I have a million photos that document just that.

When it's finally time to leave Lambie behind I will no doubtedly tuck him safely away in a box and save him for someday in the future when it's time for him to head on a new adventure with Joshua. I'd never have thought he'd turn out to be so treasured. Maybe he'll even meet Joshua's son or daughter someday. You never know.

Just the other day worn out from being at church

Am I Sorry?

"For Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret..." II Cor. 7:10

Joshua is now at the age where I expect him to apologize when he's committed a wrong. Several times a day you may find him leaning over Jonas, kissing him on the head ever so gently, and then loudly proclaiming "saweee Joe." Before Joshua is allowed to leave his room after a time out I always expect him to say those magic words to me "saweee Mommy." But the other day it occurred to me, does he really know what he's saying? Is he really sorry? If he was really sorry would I see him apologizing to his brother over and over again? Then it dawned on me that these are questions I should ask myself.

A major part of following Christ is not only believing that he died for my sins but also being repentant of those sins and turning away from them. How often do I find myself acting no more mature in my relationship with Christ than my very own 3 year old acts. If Joshua pushes Jonas and apologizes, I expect him to show me he's really sorry by not doing it again. In fact there have been times where half way through his apology he takes a toy right out Jonas hand and is no better off than before the apology even began. How many times though have I been the same way.

How can we ever become truly sorry? An apology has to be a change in action, a heart change. When a student would tease another student in my classroom I would always make them apologize. Knowing so many times that all my action had done is delay their taunting until lunch or at least until they were out of my sight, I always hoped and prayed that child doing the teasing would think just long enough to realize that making someone else feel bad doesn't create anything but hurt. That kind of thinking however doesn't come from the head, it comes from the heart. How then can we change our hearts? Only God can do that, but we can pray. We can ask God to help us become more Christ like. In order to be truly sorry we have to ask God to change us and make us more like Him. Only then can I stop the cycle of empty apologies and instead move forward in my own Spiritual Growth.

A New Perspective of Mothers Day

The role of "Mother" continually challenges me as I bend and mold into the mother that I want to be for my boys. There are about a million times so far in my adult life that I have paused for a second and thought, "My mother is pretty amazing."  In about the first 30 minutes of a visit my mom will have already unloaded the dishwasher, re-loaded the dish washer, swept the kitchen floor, wiped down the counters, washed a load of clothes, started a shopping list. She is a whirlwind. My mother can clean my entire house, feed and play with my children, encourage me and still have time to go the grocery store all in one day. I use to be unfazed by what is clearly her "super mom" mode. I use to take it for granted and say things like, "but you didn't wash my favorite jeans, you know the ones that were under two sweatshirts and a jacket in the very bottom of my closet." I use to be somewhat embarrassed when she took time out of her busy day to drop me off and pick me up from school. I even use to complain that she asked me so many questions about my friends, my whereabouts, and my schoolwork. Now the thing that embarrasses me the most is my unappreciation.

Being a mom is truly the best and most difficult job I will ever work at. The other day one of our Youth Group kids asked me, " is being a mom really all that hard of work?" My quick response was an emphatic yes. "Why? What do you have to do?" the girl responded. My answer - Everything. A mom does everything. I'm not saying that the dad does nothing. That's not the case and is especially not the case at our house. My husband is a terrific and extremely helpful hands-on kind of dad.  A child, however,  needs everything and cannot do anything on his or her own. As I stay at home with boys and watch them growing up and changing I see just how dependent they are on me and how slowly but surely they need me a little less everyday. Someday they'll think that they don't need me at all, and then when they're grown men they'll need me again for something, a recipe they use to like, an opinion on something I know about, or even just a hug and kiss, but they'll always need me. That's the best kind of job security.

One thing that I think about often is whether or not I'm being a good mom, or what that phrase even means, a "good mom". I love my kids. I love them so much that sometimes I just walk over, pick them up, squeeze them, kiss all over their faces, and tell them over and over how much they are loved. I love the Lord and work at teaching them about God and all that he's done for us. I pray for my boys everyday, for them to love God like I do, for them to know Him and understand His love. We don't have lots of money, but we get by and I hope that someday my boys will think that the time I gave them was worth more than anything I could ever have bought for them if we'd had more money from me working.

When I was kid I thought that everyday was mother's day. My mom told me what to do and that made everyday a special day for her. Now I realize it's just the opposite. Telling your kids what to do it hard work. Before I tell Joshua not to do something I've already worried about him getting hurt, weighed and measured the outcome of each possibility and come to the decision I think is best for him, and still at the end of the day I sometimes lay awake praying that I'm telling him the right things. It can be exhausting. I now see Mothers Day in a completely different light. I look forward to giving my mother a present, choosing a card for her and telling her what she means to me. In fact I try to tell her as often as I can, just how much I appreciate her and  the sacrifices she made for me. I tell my husband all the time that I just want to be the kind of mom for my kids that my mom was for me, because I think she was and still is the best. Already today she's told me she loves me, loves my boys, thinks I'm doing a great job as a mom and wife, and is proud of me. She's more than a mom, she's my cheerleader and my friend.

My Mother with My Boys

Perfectly Imperfect

There's a  children's song that Joshua likes that's called "I'm Not Perfect." The words to it  "I'm not perfect, no I'm not, I'm not perfect but I've got what I've got." seem so fitting when Joshua sings them. Luke and I have often joked with him upon hearing him singing along, and said no, you're not perfect are you.

None of us are perfect. I for sure am not. I often think of the verse Romans 7:15 which says. "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." Why, when I try my hardest, pray and desire to be the best mother and wife that I possibly can, do I fall so short of that goal. The answer is clear. I'm not perfect. Paul in his letter to the Romans is so honest in describing himself. I too find myself in situations where I do not understand my own actions. Paul's willingness to admit this is so honest. It makes me wonder why so many people hide their true selves behind a mask of perfection. We can easily write this off by saying, "they feel as though no one will accept them for who they are." Isn't it true however, that if you pretend to be something that you are not, people will still not be accepting you for who you are but accept your mask instead, and so the insecurity thrives and grows deeper.

In my own acceptance of imperfection I find comfort in knowing that if I cannot always do what is right or best, at least I can be honest. When Luke and I were first dating one thing I clearly remember him saying to me was, "I at least know what to expect from you, because with you it's always- what you see is what you get." At the time I wasn't so sure that was a compliment. He was trying to tell me that sometimes I'm honest to the point of brutality (which isn't always good). But at least he didn't have to guess at what I was thinking and feel like I would pretend to be something that I am not. I do think of that as a compliment. I try to always be myself no matter what.

This can be tricky, especially as a Pastor's wife since whether we like the idea of it or not, there are certain characteristics that we think Pastor's wives should have. I may not easily fit into the Pastor's wife box, but I do know that I fit into the cross. The place where Jesus gave everything including His life so that even though I'm not perfect I can be accepted by the one that matters the most - God. If God who created everything perfectly can love me and think that I'm valuable, Who am I to argue with Him.

We have no need to lie to others, or to say it another way "mislead" others into thinking that our lives are going perfectly. If I can relate to a man such as Paul who lived almost 2 thousand years ago; I think that it is safe to say everyone can sing along with Joshua and say that they are not perfect. Although I think most can remember a time when they've rattled of a list of disastrous happenings to a friend who in return stated, "Really? Everything's going great for me." I'm sure that you stared at this person in disbelief and I'm also sure that it is safe to say that this person wasn't being completely honest with you.

My family is full of imperfections. We've had days when the kids cried non stop. Days we argued, cried, burned dinner, bought the wrong size, and on a day like today we left the baby formula at home! If we act as though we have everything together we are not admitting our need for Christ. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 . In verse 10 Paul continues by saying, "For the sake of Christ I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." We are all perfectly imperfect.

Anything Goes At Walmart

Walmart, now an American icon has its fans as well as its antagonists. I fall somewhere in the middle of this. I do like to support the local businesses, but I also like the convenience of being able to purchase almost everything I need in one place at a low cost.

To me the best thing about Walmart is that anything goes. I've been at walmart in formal attire, Pajama pants, in slippers 9 months pregnant, and with a newborn screaming. I've been there with no makeup on at 7am and I've been there dressed to go out with friends at midnight. Walmart is the epitome of  the phrase "come as you are." The one place that I know there will always be the fewest stares and whispers is at Walmart.

My kids love trips to Walmart. When we make a trip to Mitchell and don't stop at Walmart as we drive by to leave town Joshua will actually cry and mutter about wanting to stop there. Joshua loves the entire experience. From the bright fluorescent lights to the hustle and bustle of other shoppers, he is in love from the moment we are greeted at the door to last few seconds when he listens for his loud voice echoing in the empty entry way as we wheel the cart through the automatic doors back to the parking lot.

Joshua is very much an organizer so he delights in arranging and rearranging the groceries in the cart while I shop. Jonas loves to watch the people pass by the cart and stop and say hi to 'the cute baby'. He thoroughly enjoys being ooohhh-ed and ahhh-ed over. Jonas can put on a pretty good show when someone pops over to take a peek at him. He usually gooos a few times, flashes a smile and gives a giggle. By this time Joshua has noticed that he is hogging the attention and begins his own set of tricks. "hi lady," he says "Oh , and what's your name cute little boy?" "Josh -ooo-aaa."  " Ooooh  aren't you cute." "Tank you." This only last a few seconds but it's not long before someone else is stopping  and the whole thing begins again.

The Cookie. This may be the highlight of the Walmart stop. If your mother is willing to stop by the bakery dept. you could receive an m&m cookie. Joshua lives for the cookie. We always start our shopping at the back of the store and move closer to the front as we go down the aisles. The closer we get to the bakery the louder the whispers of "cookie time" get. When the lady brings the cookie over to the cart Joshua inevitably squeals with joy and says, "tank you tank you tank you tank you!"

When we have finally finished all of our shopping and Joshua has helped load the conveyor belt with our purchases, when we have paid and said goodbye to the check out person, we head to entry way where Joshua always lets out a good loud "UH!" and listens as it echos through the emptiness.

Yesterday when I buckled him back into his car seat Joshua leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek, "tank you mom." Boy, does that kid love Walmart. And in a lot of ways I do too. There's no where else you can have a baby crying, a toddler throwing up in the cart and still not be the craziest family there.

Things I think are Genius

Here is  a list of just a few things I think are genius inventions. Things that often cause me to pause and give appreciation for their exsistance.

1. Netflix- it combines 2 things I love: Movies and getting Mail

2. The Oven Light - I am fascinated by watching my food cook

3. The Bounce Dryer Bar- No longer do I find little shriveled up dryer sheets in the hall, my bedroom floor or stuck in my pant leg.

4. Automatic Doors on my Van - I never knew how much work opening a door was until I didn't have to do it anymore.

5. Automatic turn off on the Iron- Saved me from burning down my house many times

6. The turbo setting on the curling iron- I had no idea this even existed until a few months ago since I was still using the dinosaur I bought in 1990 but I'm very impressed that I no longer have to brush my teeth, put on my make up and eat breakfast while my curling iron is heating up. I push one button and it's hot in a flash.

7. The Remote Control Baby Mobile- No longer do parents have to rush in and re-wind the mobile we stand out in the hall and push a button now.

8. Butter Cooking Spray- My mother always had me greasing baking dishes by rubbing a squishy stick of greasy butter around, but now thanks to modern technology I merely spray an even layer of butter and never risk greasy finger.

9. Dual front seat Heating options- Clearly invented by a woman who was tired of freezing. I love that my husband can have his half of the front seat one temp and I can have mine different.

10. The Oven Timer- For people like me who can't remember to look at the clock

11. 100 calorie Packs- because we don't like to have to figure out the correct portion size. This way I don't  "accidentally" eat more than I mean to.

12. Google- I could actually write an entire blog or even a book about how much I adore Google. I'm from a generation that still had to go to the library when we wanted to find something out. Now an entire world of answers is available just by clicking "search" . As a result I google EVERYTHING! I'm constantly thinking of things I want to know more about and 'click' I have everything at my finger tips.I Love You Google!

13. The 18 count pack of Eggs- Sometimes 12 is just one too few but with 18 I have time to think uh-oh better put eggs on the shopping list.

14. The Pack'n'Play- a crib that folds down for travel and pops up when you need it! Traveling with your
 baby just got easier.

15. Anti Freezing Wiper fluid- because you don't always have time to scrape your windows. Or sometimes you forget and accidentally push the wiper button and now you don't have to worry about it icing up the window just because you forgot that it was only 29 degrees out.

Change My Heart (the story of Jonas)

Joshua has gotten a lot of mention recently so I thought that I'd try to give Jonas some equal airtime. 

Our Handsome Jonas

After having such an ordeal with Joshua and his health our plans for having five children were up in the air to say the least. One of the many times we were at the hospital a genetic counselor came and met with us. She advised us not to have any more children, or at least any other biological children. This was difficult and unexpected news. Luke and I had considered the idea of adoption before, but it was always in addition to biological children and not in place of them. We were stunned. Our plan for what our family would look like was beginning to look a lot different than what we had dreamt about when we were first married. Knowing though, that God's plan is often a much different, yet better than what we could ever come up with, we took this information filed it away and decided that when the time was right for us to add to our family God would show us what to do.

When Joshua's health situation miraculously changed and the 'storm' began to pass we both had this unspoken question looming over us "Is it okay for us to have more children?" Luke and I weren't in a hurry to dive into the unknown of another baby quite yet, but still the uncertainty of knowing what to do when the time came was in the back of our minds.

Sometime after Joshua's 1st birthday Luke came to me and said that he'd been thinking about us having another baby. After the roller coaster of emotions that I'd endured in the last year I was not ready to entertain that idea. I thought that I would feel relieved once Joshua was healthy and that I'd be ready to continue growing our family, but I wasn't. In fact I was beginning to think that maybe one child was enough for us. A few more month passed and I still felt the same way, not willing to take the risk. I told Luke that if God wanted us to have more biological children He would have to change my heart because I did not want any. It had been too much of a trial before and even though everything had turned out for the better I didn't want to take any chances. That day and for about the next week I prayed about this during my devotion times.  I told God that I was scared and that I didn't know what the right decision was. I asked him to give me a desire for another child if that was His plan for our family. After I'd say Amen I'd kinda think to myself, "but good luck because I'm done having kids."

Less than a month later God had done a work in my heart. Each day I began to soften up to the idea of another child. Luke being a good husband hadn't even mentioned it again knowing how I felt. He was completely surprised when I told him that I had changed my mind. "But you were pretty sure," he said. "You said no." I told him how I had prayed and that God had given me such a peace knowing that are next child would be healthy and that He had put joy in my heart that desired a little baby. As the words left my mouth I was just about as shocked as he was, it really had only been a few weeks since I was dead set against the idea.


4 months old


Once I was pregnant some people were surprised that we had "so quickly" decided to take such a chance with another kid. I remember telling several people that we were trusting God and He had given us reason to believe that this baby would be much different. I'm pretty sure at this time some people thought that we were crazy. I'm sure that more than one person thought we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. And then we met Jonas. A nine pound bundle of pure joy. Rolly polly and all smiles almost right from the start. Big blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. An absolutely perfectly healthy baby boy. Just like God assured us. I'm so glad that He changed my heart. I kiss those chubby baby cheeks and thank God for him everyday, and I also wonder what else God could change my heart about if only I asked.

Do You Lick The Lid?

My son loves pudding cups. Joshua has 2 snack times a day one at 10am and another one after his nap.Often the first words he mutters while racing to his spot at the kitchen table are " Choco puddin' cup pwease." Now even though they are fairly rich in calcium I know that they are not the healthiest of snacks so I mix it up a bit and sometimes he gets a yogurt instead. He almost always has a banana with it and maybe something else if we have it on hand. Recently when opening Joshua's pudding cup I had a thought. I grabbed the cup out of the fridge, I peeled back the plastic lid and I paused for just a second as I brought the lid towards my mouth and I thought, "Why must I lick this?"

I've given Joshua roughly a hundred snacks in the last few months. Do you know how many lids I've licked? Every single one! Why am I compelled to do this? Just the tiniest bid of pudding and yogurt hide somehow adhered to lids of their containers and every time I open one I just can't resist giving it a lick. This action came into focus for me the other day because the licking almost always leads to the opening of another container and me consuming it. I've been trying not to eat a snack every time Joshua does because someone 28 just does not need the same caloric intake as a  3 year old. a few days ago when I was trying to keep with my new no snack plan I noticed just how tempting it is to lick that lid and inevitably once I have licked it I think,"mmm that was good I should have one too." I found myself faced with this question, "when did the licking of the lid begin and how has it become a reflex."

I have no idea why I do this. Did it begin when I little and I got to lick the beaters when my mother was making a cake? Perhaps that mentality has carried over into other parts of my snacking realm.  I'm not sure, but I do know that the more I thought about it the more I times I found myself doing it. The pudding, the yogurt, the flap on the ice cream, I even did it when I opened up a fresh chip dip container! It's like a gateway into snacking, one lick and I'm hooked.

This got me wondering....how many other people have this unstoppable urge to lick the lid?

Town Mouse and Country Mouse

Joshua has a book that is called "The Town Mouse and Country Mouse" and everytime I see it laying around I chuckle. Now in the story each mouse goes to the other mouse's home for a visit and in the end they realize that they are quite happy in their own homes because the city and the country are very different. I chuckle when I see this book because I have had a similar experience, but have transitioned from Town Mouse to Country Mouse.

Joshua and Luke at the homecoming parade
One of our favorite fall events

In December of 2007 my husband accepted a call to become the Pastor at Memorial Baptist Church in Parkston, SD. I was nervous about the move for a variety of reasons. First off we were living in my hometown, and I knew it would be hard to leave for the first time. Secondly, if you know me you know that I hate change, really for no good reason because I've never regretted any changes that I've encountered, but still I thrive on continuity and routine. Lastly, I was quite unsure about moving to such a small area having lived in "the city" for so long.

Joshua at the pumpkin patch

I was positive I could do it though. I was 25, pregnant, newly married and excited about life in general so I was thrilled to begin this ministry adventure. I was sad to leave my family and my friends but also sure that this was God's will and plan for my husband and self. Then things got off to a bumpy start to say the least. My husband began his job in Parkston in February and was commuting 300 ish miles every week while I finished my teaching job and waited to have our baby who was to be born mid April. Well, on March 19th our son was born quite premature and very ill. This was most certainly unexpected and made our transistion a little more difficult.

We finally were fully moved into our Parkston home in May of 2008 not that we saw much of our home with all of the ongoing doctor visits and hospital stays it was not easy for us to get settled in. I can remember a time right after we moved when it was 10 pm and Joshua's oxygen wouldn't stay on his face and we were out of tagederm and even all of our band aids were gone. I told Luke that one of us needed to go to the store and get at least some band aids to secure the hose through the night and he just looked at me shaking his head and said "this isn't the city, there is no 24 hour walgreens down the street, everything closed at 9." This was where I began to realize that I was a little more of a Town mouse than I had thought.

My dad had thought all along that the transistion would be difficult for me and had mentioned on more than one occassion that I was more city than I thought I was. His greatest piece of advice, and something that I still practice today, was to go to Hobby Lobby around October before the weather starts getting too fierce and stock up on tons of craft projects, hobby supplies and just plain stuff to help pass the time. I of course rolled my eyes at the time and nodded with the required yes daddy response, but he was right. He was very right! The winters are long and with bad weather there isn't much of a chance to travel to a place that has everything. There have been many times since we've moved that I have pulled out a Hobby Lobby bag and worked on a project to pass the time.

Finally after 3 years I think that I have made the adjustment and actually embraced it. I think that you could call me a country mouse now. I look forward to the homecoming parade, the pumpkin patch, bicycling in the middle of the street, waving at everyone as you drive through town and Booms ice cream flavor of the week. I do however still miss a few things from the city though. Starbucks, delivery pizza, Chinese food, Target and a 24 hour anything still make me miss home, but I've made a new home here, and there is no better place to be than in God's will.  

Our Church Memorial Baptist

Joshua the Miracle

Joshua is turning 3 on March 19th and some have been wanting to hear a blog about how Joshua has changed in the last 3 years.

Joshua just a few days old in the NICU

As I've mentioned in passing before Joshua was born somewhat unexpectedly early after several weeks of me battling pre-eclampsia and finally no longer being able to carry him safely. At first we were really excited that we were going to get to see him early, and thought that it was going to be a great day. We'd had several ultrasounds due to my health problems and all of them showed that the baby was healthy. After delivering Joshua we had brief chance to hold him and take the traditional first few minute photos, but then the nurses took him to be weighed, measured and bathed. It was during that time that they began to realize that what they had at first thought was a healthy baby boy was in fact a very sick infant. I had no idea what was happening at that time. I was tired and it was 1am so after a quick bite I fell asleep thinking that my baby was perfectly healthy and that Luke would wake me up soon and we would be holding our son and cuddling him all morning.

Joshua's 1st B-day

When Luke finally did wake me up he was very worried and talking so fast I could hardly understand him. I remember only clips and phrases of what happened and what was said during this time, partly because I was so tired and partly because I was so panicked. I do remember being shocked when I saw Luke walking over to me with a clipboard saying that I needed to sign it right away because Joshua needed a blood transfusion immediately. "Where's the baby at?"  "What's going on?" It was about 6am and it hadn't been a good night for Joshua. They had been surprised that he had even made it through to morning. He was extremely anemic and needed 2 transfusions right away to even survive. His heart pressure was very high, and he couldn't breathe on his own.   

Our family celebrating Joshua turning 1-a miracle

I didn't get to hold him again for the longest 8 days of my life. I felt like we lived at the NICU watching him, praying over him, crying over him. Finally on April 6th we thought that we were taking him home and showed up at the hospital ready to go just to have his test results come back and find out that he needed more blood again. That evening after another transfusion we took home our son. He was on 3 different prescriptions and full time oxygen. We thought that he was getting better though and were excited to have him in his room finally. A week later at his first doctor appointment we started hearing some difficult news. Joshua wasn't getting better like he should have been. His heart pressure was still high, he wasn't breathing like he should have been and his hemoglobin was low again. Discouraged we took him home thinking it would just take time. Again a few weeks later we heard a similar story at his next appointment. In the midst of all of this we moved. We changed doctors and were now taking Joshua to a specialist in Sioux Falls who feared that Joshua's condition would never get better. This doctor suggested a bone marrow biopsy.

Joshua and Luke at the Zoo for Joshua's 2nd B-day

I remember sitting in the surgical unit waiting room like it was yesterday. I felt chilly partly from the drafty room and partly because I hadn't slept in days. Up half the night with a baby and the other half of the night crying and praying for him to get better. I felt as though everything was moving and yet we were completely still. And when Joshua came out of surgery I held him so tight, and kissed his head a thousand times, I thought the worst was behind me, but it wasn't. A few days later, a day before Joshua would turn 5 months old we sat in the hematologists office and heard him say that Joshua's bone marrow was abnormal. It did not contain what it needed for him to make blood. The transfusions that he already had were just the beginning and he would need a shunt to receive blood on a regular basis until his body couldn't survive. He said that the extra iron from the transfusions would slowly build up until his little body couldn't hold anymore and would die. The life expectancy for someone with this condition would only be 7 maybe 10 years.

That moment changed my life forever. But we went home and we prayed. And everyone we knew prayed. And everyone that they knew prayed. And we went to another bad appointment and another one and another one, and then it happened. We went to an appointment and Joshua's blood work came back the same as the last time, not worse, not better but the same. At the next appointment is was little better, not much, just barely, but a miracle. Joshua's body had made the tiniest bit of blood on it's own and it was a miracle.

Joshua turning 2

It was then that Joshua's story changed. He went from a sick fussy baby  to a happy healthy baby and it all started that day with the tiniest change. Joshua was 6 months old when he received his last transfusion. At his next appointment he was to get a shunt put in so that he could receive blood regularly, but he never needed it. God healed him. The last time that we saw his hematologist he said to us "this can't be the same kid,these test results can't be right". But he is the same kid, he is healed.


Joshua just a few days ago at the park

Joshua has changed so much since then. He had few more surgeries after that : Hernia, Cleft Pallet, and Ear Tubes but nothing we couldn't handle. Just in the last year he has become such a talker. He thinks he is very funny and is much the class clown minus the class. He loves his new baby brother and is always giving Jonas hugs and kisses. He loves Thomas the Train and is having a Thomas birthday party. His favorite foods are spaghetti, corn dogs, and grilled cheese. Joshua's favorite restaurant is the China Buffet because he gets to have ice cream when he's done eating and they have a fish tank there that he is quite interested in. He likes to be a helper but his idea of helping isn't always the same as mine. He can throw a tantrum  that can shake the walls of his bedroom and just a few seconds later he can melt my heart with his smile. He is amazing! He is truly a miracle. Luke and I joke alot that it's not easy raising a miracle, because it hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it. Every night before Joshua goes to sleep we say our prayers and we thank God for healing him and giving us a miracle.

 

 

Always has a smile for everyone. Playing here with his Grandma





To Submit or Not to Submit a quick look at Eph 5:22

I have had a few requests lately for specific Blog topics so there will be a few more blogs than usual coming in days ahead so that I keep up with the demands of my audience. Ha!

One thing that I have really been thinking about lately is the role of the wife in a marriage. I know, I've been married five years now so it's more than time I figure this out right? However, in the beginning our marriage I felt very conflicted over this. I was a very independent person before I married my husband. I lived alone, I had a college degree, a great teaching job, and paid all my bills on time. I was always told by my loving parents that I had a lot to offer and that I should speak up, and be heard because I was intelligent and had good ideas. This was a recipe for a great and very successful single life, but had me a little confused when I first faced the idea of marriage and what a Biblical marriage looks like.

During our marriage counseling I read a book that about sent me running in the opposite direction of being a submissive wife. I dreaded hearing about submitting to my husband, and to this day have wondered what that really looks like. Anytime that I've heard someone mention a wife being submissive it has always been in a situation where a husband thought one thing and the wife thought something different and the husband decided to play the "submission card." So wives don't get to have an opinion? "Is my husband always right, even when he's wrong?" "So all I'm good for is being barefoot, pregnant, cooking and cleaning?"  These are all things that I've wondered about when confronted with the issue of  submission.

Recently I've been going through Barbara Hughes book "Disciplines of a Godly Woman," and it has helped to offer me some great insight into this much debated topic. The verse that is most often quoted when we think of Biblical submission is in Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your husbands..."  I don't know about you, but anytime this has come up in my home it has gone something like this: "The Bible says that you're suppose to submit to me." "Yeah, well the Bible also says that you're suppose to love me like Christ loved the Church!" and around and around it goes and nothing is accomplished.

Let me put it like this, Submission is not situational, it is relational. Submission is not when your husband wants to do something his way and not your way and say fine I have to be submissive to you because I'm merely the wife. That is submission isolated to a particular situation. Submission should be the theme to your relationship with your husband. You should always be following his lead. You should be your husbands helpmate just as the Bible calls you to in Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." In Barbara Hughes' book she write, "No one wants to play second fiddle. But that fact is, without a second violin there is no harmony." I love that line! In fact I love it so much I wish that I had come up with it!  I long for harmony in my home, harmony is a beautiful thing. To get that harmony someone has to play the second violin's part. It's genius, the second part is just as vital to the perfection of the sound as the first violin's part is, but it's a different part. If both were to play that first part it wouldn't sound as good. This makes complete sense to me coming from a somewhat musical background.

The main reason for my fueled interest into this topic lately has been because of what I call the "husband puppet." My husband and I recently encountered a situation in which a man aired a million complaints and suggestions mixed with tons of emotions and by the end of the conversation it had become clear that this man's wife was very upset at home and really given it to him and now he was airing all of her complaints and thoughts in a very puppeted way. When I walked away from this situation I thought to myself, " I hope that I don't make my husband look that ridiculous." My intention has never been to get my husband to do whatever I want, but I don't think that man's wife started out with that intention either, but when I saw him it was as though he were just a puppet and she was at home pulling his strings. I don't want to be my husbands puppet master, or wear the pants, or boss him around. I don't want my strong intelligent husband to look foolish because of my inability to be a biblical wife.

I have a million thoughts on this topic and could write an entire series of blogs on it if I wanted to, but I want to make one point in all of this. You can be a strong woman, and intelligent woman and a successful woman and be submissive. Aristotle said that gentleness is the mean between excessive anger and excessive angerless. Meekness/Gentleness is strength under control. If you have ever cringed or winced at the thought of submission take another look. It's not what you've always thought. 

We All Have "Bad Days"

Recently my husband and I have found ourselves caught up in a series of "bad days." I use quotes when describing these situations as bad days because I have found out through experience that what we often casually describe as a bad day is actually a day of inconvenience. After spending days upon days sitting in a hospital room wondering what would be the outcome of my sons dire health situation I now know that most of the "bad days" people have are merely days when nothing got accomplished, they faced many unwanted interruptions, or checked their bank account and found it lacking.

Facebook and I have a love/hate sort of relationship. While I love all of the miracle of technology that allows me to find someone from my past that I had lost track of and now speak with them, via my laptop, anytime that's convenient for me, I also tire of some of the 'social advertising' that I see. One my annoyances on facebook is the amount of self pity I see. Don't get me wrong I can sometimes fall into this category myself so I believe that no one is exempt from it. It often appears in a status update and goes something like this, " woke up with a headache...." or  "it's snowing again...." and it ends with something like, " I hate Mondays," or "that's how my life goes." I'm not actually writing this to complain (believe it or not), but to encourage us all to look at our lives and think of what a "bad day" really looks like.

At our house when a bad day has begun it is usually marked by my husband walking over to the calendar and crossing the day out (as though it were over) by at least 10 am. Another sign of a bad day at the Bakers is kids in bed by 6pm, now if we're not careful that can lead to bad day #2 which begins with kids up at 5 am. One of the things that I try my hardest to do in life is to find some sort of way to laugh at these days.

Here is a day that we had recently that had me laughing: It all began when we discovered we needed something that could not be purchased anywhere close so it would require us driving to Sioux Falls ( a little over an hour away). Already a little stressed to be making an unexpected trip we began to get the kids ready which looked like this: Jonas screaming while being put into his car seat and Joshua running laps around the kitchen as I chased after him with his shoes in hand. We finally make it out to the car and realize that Joshua's car seat is in the truck. We somewhat patiently wait in the freezing cold while Luke moves it to the van. We just get settled in and then the car won't start. glancing at the dash we both see that the lights had been left on over night. Well about 10 min later after jump starting the van we back out of the driveway where I notice the mailman. "Can we stop and get the mail?" I innocently ask. "Oh sure,"  so Luke pulls over to box and rolls down the window. Now if you're from an icy state such as South Dakota you may already know that rolling your window ALL the way down on a day when it is -23 (windchill) out, is pretty risky behavior. My husband ,being from Oklahoma, sometimes forgets this and now our window is stuck.

Here is the point when I began laughing - we had left the house 20 min ago and were now sitting in front of the mailbox, where every few seconds Luke would 'try' the window and it would go up a centimeter further. Sitting there with the window down, icy breeze blowing in, and kids impatiently waiting in the backseat. We laughed. We laughed hard. And almost 45 min after walking out the front door, we drove away from the house.

We cannot control every detail of our lives. Trust me, if I could, I would. Control is not the answer to our bad days, it is just opposite. Relinquishing our control is the answer. There is a passage in I Cor. 10:13 where it says that God will not give us more than we can handle. That verse has been very close to my heart. I can remember a day when the Doctors told us the results of our sons bone marrow biopsy and how his words had hung coldy in the air after he had communicated that our son would not live to become an adolescent. That day driving home I looked over to my husband and I said "God may never give us more than we can handle, but this is getting dangerously close, and I'm beginning to see 'more than I can handle' on the horizon." That was a truly bad day. Giving the control over to God and knowing that only He could get me through those days was the answer.

Take comfort in those words they are not cliche' they are truth. Cling to them when times are truly bad and find a way to laugh when days seem bad, but are just inconvenient. For a good laugh here are few short antics from the Baker house.

* I asked Jonas if he was sleepy - he burst into giggles.
* Luke brought a roll of toilet paper the dinner table to soak up the grease from his pizza.

* I put a pop tart in the toaster 15 min later I'm still waiting for it to pop up, Luke walks into the kitchen and plugs the toaster in.

* I give Joshua a big bowl of popcorn for us to share, we start the movie and I get up to check on the baby. 10 min later I come back and Joshua hands me the empty bowl and says "here you go."
* I'm walking from room to room frantically looking for the baby monitor with Joshua at my heels trying to get my attention. Finally I turn around and ask him what he wants. "Here you go momma," he hands me the monitor.

* Joshua goes to bed, 15 min later we hear a crash. We peek in his room and he's stretched half out of his bed on his stomach pulling his piano over so he can play it without getting "in trouble" for leaving his bed.

Valentine Mailbox Directions

A few people who saw Joshua's Valentine Mailbox were wondering how it was constructed from a cereal box, so here are the step by step directions if you would like to replicate it.

1. Use one cereal box

2. Cut the front panel from the box leaving the top and bottom flaps on

3.Bend the Panel to make the mailbox shape and secure the bottom by taping the top and bottom flap together.

4.Trace the end of the mailbox to make a back cover.

5. Secure the back end on with tape

6. Trace another piece for the front door of your mailbox. Trace it near a flap on the cereal box so that once it is attached it will open and close easily.

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7. Tape the flap on the door to the inside of the mailbox.

8. Use a remaining scrap draw and cut out a flag.

9. Using the scissors make a small hole in both the box and the flag



10. Secure the flag to the box with a fastener (brad)

11. Decorate!