There's a children's song that Joshua likes that's called "I'm Not Perfect." The words to it "I'm not perfect, no I'm not, I'm not perfect but I've got what I've got." seem so fitting when Joshua sings them. Luke and I have often joked with him upon hearing him singing along, and said no, you're not perfect are you.
None of us are perfect. I for sure am not. I often think of the verse Romans 7:15 which says. "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." Why, when I try my hardest, pray and desire to be the best mother and wife that I possibly can, do I fall so short of that goal. The answer is clear. I'm not perfect. Paul in his letter to the Romans is so honest in describing himself. I too find myself in situations where I do not understand my own actions. Paul's willingness to admit this is so honest. It makes me wonder why so many people hide their true selves behind a mask of perfection. We can easily write this off by saying, "they feel as though no one will accept them for who they are." Isn't it true however, that if you pretend to be something that you are not, people will still not be accepting you for who you are but accept your mask instead, and so the insecurity thrives and grows deeper.
In my own acceptance of imperfection I find comfort in knowing that if I cannot always do what is right or best, at least I can be honest. When Luke and I were first dating one thing I clearly remember him saying to me was, "I at least know what to expect from you, because with you it's always- what you see is what you get." At the time I wasn't so sure that was a compliment. He was trying to tell me that sometimes I'm honest to the point of brutality (which isn't always good). But at least he didn't have to guess at what I was thinking and feel like I would pretend to be something that I am not. I do think of that as a compliment. I try to always be myself no matter what.
This can be tricky, especially as a Pastor's wife since whether we like the idea of it or not, there are certain characteristics that we think Pastor's wives should have. I may not easily fit into the Pastor's wife box, but I do know that I fit into the cross. The place where Jesus gave everything including His life so that even though I'm not perfect I can be accepted by the one that matters the most - God. If God who created everything perfectly can love me and think that I'm valuable, Who am I to argue with Him.
We have no need to lie to others, or to say it another way "mislead" others into thinking that our lives are going perfectly. If I can relate to a man such as Paul who lived almost 2 thousand years ago; I think that it is safe to say everyone can sing along with Joshua and say that they are not perfect. Although I think most can remember a time when they've rattled of a list of disastrous happenings to a friend who in return stated, "Really? Everything's going great for me." I'm sure that you stared at this person in disbelief and I'm also sure that it is safe to say that this person wasn't being completely honest with you.
My family is full of imperfections. We've had days when the kids cried non stop. Days we argued, cried, burned dinner, bought the wrong size, and on a day like today we left the baby formula at home! If we act as though we have everything together we are not admitting our need for Christ. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 . In verse 10 Paul continues by saying, "For the sake of Christ I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." We are all perfectly imperfect.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Anything Goes At Walmart
Walmart, now an American icon has its fans as well as its antagonists. I fall somewhere in the middle of this. I do like to support the local businesses, but I also like the convenience of being able to purchase almost everything I need in one place at a low cost.
To me the best thing about Walmart is that anything goes. I've been at walmart in formal attire, Pajama pants, in slippers 9 months pregnant, and with a newborn screaming. I've been there with no makeup on at 7am and I've been there dressed to go out with friends at midnight. Walmart is the epitome of the phrase "come as you are." The one place that I know there will always be the fewest stares and whispers is at Walmart.
My kids love trips to Walmart. When we make a trip to Mitchell and don't stop at Walmart as we drive by to leave town Joshua will actually cry and mutter about wanting to stop there. Joshua loves the entire experience. From the bright fluorescent lights to the hustle and bustle of other shoppers, he is in love from the moment we are greeted at the door to last few seconds when he listens for his loud voice echoing in the empty entry way as we wheel the cart through the automatic doors back to the parking lot.
Joshua is very much an organizer so he delights in arranging and rearranging the groceries in the cart while I shop. Jonas loves to watch the people pass by the cart and stop and say hi to 'the cute baby'. He thoroughly enjoys being ooohhh-ed and ahhh-ed over. Jonas can put on a pretty good show when someone pops over to take a peek at him. He usually gooos a few times, flashes a smile and gives a giggle. By this time Joshua has noticed that he is hogging the attention and begins his own set of tricks. "hi lady," he says "Oh , and what's your name cute little boy?" "Josh -ooo-aaa." " Ooooh aren't you cute." "Tank you." This only last a few seconds but it's not long before someone else is stopping and the whole thing begins again.
The Cookie. This may be the highlight of the Walmart stop. If your mother is willing to stop by the bakery dept. you could receive an m&m cookie. Joshua lives for the cookie. We always start our shopping at the back of the store and move closer to the front as we go down the aisles. The closer we get to the bakery the louder the whispers of "cookie time" get. When the lady brings the cookie over to the cart Joshua inevitably squeals with joy and says, "tank you tank you tank you tank you!"
When we have finally finished all of our shopping and Joshua has helped load the conveyor belt with our purchases, when we have paid and said goodbye to the check out person, we head to entry way where Joshua always lets out a good loud "UH!" and listens as it echos through the emptiness.
Yesterday when I buckled him back into his car seat Joshua leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek, "tank you mom." Boy, does that kid love Walmart. And in a lot of ways I do too. There's no where else you can have a baby crying, a toddler throwing up in the cart and still not be the craziest family there.
To me the best thing about Walmart is that anything goes. I've been at walmart in formal attire, Pajama pants, in slippers 9 months pregnant, and with a newborn screaming. I've been there with no makeup on at 7am and I've been there dressed to go out with friends at midnight. Walmart is the epitome of the phrase "come as you are." The one place that I know there will always be the fewest stares and whispers is at Walmart.
My kids love trips to Walmart. When we make a trip to Mitchell and don't stop at Walmart as we drive by to leave town Joshua will actually cry and mutter about wanting to stop there. Joshua loves the entire experience. From the bright fluorescent lights to the hustle and bustle of other shoppers, he is in love from the moment we are greeted at the door to last few seconds when he listens for his loud voice echoing in the empty entry way as we wheel the cart through the automatic doors back to the parking lot.
Joshua is very much an organizer so he delights in arranging and rearranging the groceries in the cart while I shop. Jonas loves to watch the people pass by the cart and stop and say hi to 'the cute baby'. He thoroughly enjoys being ooohhh-ed and ahhh-ed over. Jonas can put on a pretty good show when someone pops over to take a peek at him. He usually gooos a few times, flashes a smile and gives a giggle. By this time Joshua has noticed that he is hogging the attention and begins his own set of tricks. "hi lady," he says "Oh , and what's your name cute little boy?" "Josh -ooo-aaa." " Ooooh aren't you cute." "Tank you." This only last a few seconds but it's not long before someone else is stopping and the whole thing begins again.
The Cookie. This may be the highlight of the Walmart stop. If your mother is willing to stop by the bakery dept. you could receive an m&m cookie. Joshua lives for the cookie. We always start our shopping at the back of the store and move closer to the front as we go down the aisles. The closer we get to the bakery the louder the whispers of "cookie time" get. When the lady brings the cookie over to the cart Joshua inevitably squeals with joy and says, "tank you tank you tank you tank you!"
When we have finally finished all of our shopping and Joshua has helped load the conveyor belt with our purchases, when we have paid and said goodbye to the check out person, we head to entry way where Joshua always lets out a good loud "UH!" and listens as it echos through the emptiness.
Yesterday when I buckled him back into his car seat Joshua leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek, "tank you mom." Boy, does that kid love Walmart. And in a lot of ways I do too. There's no where else you can have a baby crying, a toddler throwing up in the cart and still not be the craziest family there.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Things I think are Genius
Here is a list of just a few things I think are genius inventions. Things that often cause me to pause and give appreciation for their exsistance.
1. Netflix- it combines 2 things I love: Movies and getting Mail
2. The Oven Light - I am fascinated by watching my food cook
3. The Bounce Dryer Bar- No longer do I find little shriveled up dryer sheets in the hall, my bedroom floor or stuck in my pant leg.
4. Automatic Doors on my Van - I never knew how much work opening a door was until I didn't have to do it anymore.
5. Automatic turn off on the Iron- Saved me from burning down my house many times
6. The turbo setting on the curling iron- I had no idea this even existed until a few months ago since I was still using the dinosaur I bought in 1990 but I'm very impressed that I no longer have to brush my teeth, put on my make up and eat breakfast while my curling iron is heating up. I push one button and it's hot in a flash.
7. The Remote Control Baby Mobile- No longer do parents have to rush in and re-wind the mobile we stand out in the hall and push a button now.
8. Butter Cooking Spray- My mother always had me greasing baking dishes by rubbing a squishy stick of greasy butter around, but now thanks to modern technology I merely spray an even layer of butter and never risk greasy finger.
9. Dual front seat Heating options- Clearly invented by a woman who was tired of freezing. I love that my husband can have his half of the front seat one temp and I can have mine different.
10. The Oven Timer- For people like me who can't remember to look at the clock
11. 100 calorie Packs- because we don't like to have to figure out the correct portion size. This way I don't "accidentally" eat more than I mean to.
12. Google- I could actually write an entire blog or even a book about how much I adore Google. I'm from a generation that still had to go to the library when we wanted to find something out. Now an entire world of answers is available just by clicking "search" . As a result I google EVERYTHING! I'm constantly thinking of things I want to know more about and 'click' I have everything at my finger tips.I Love You Google!
13. The 18 count pack of Eggs- Sometimes 12 is just one too few but with 18 I have time to think uh-oh better put eggs on the shopping list.
14. The Pack'n'Play- a crib that folds down for travel and pops up when you need it! Traveling with your
baby just got easier.
15. Anti Freezing Wiper fluid- because you don't always have time to scrape your windows. Or sometimes you forget and accidentally push the wiper button and now you don't have to worry about it icing up the window just because you forgot that it was only 29 degrees out.
1. Netflix- it combines 2 things I love: Movies and getting Mail
2. The Oven Light - I am fascinated by watching my food cook
3. The Bounce Dryer Bar- No longer do I find little shriveled up dryer sheets in the hall, my bedroom floor or stuck in my pant leg.
4. Automatic Doors on my Van - I never knew how much work opening a door was until I didn't have to do it anymore.
5. Automatic turn off on the Iron- Saved me from burning down my house many times
6. The turbo setting on the curling iron- I had no idea this even existed until a few months ago since I was still using the dinosaur I bought in 1990 but I'm very impressed that I no longer have to brush my teeth, put on my make up and eat breakfast while my curling iron is heating up. I push one button and it's hot in a flash.
7. The Remote Control Baby Mobile- No longer do parents have to rush in and re-wind the mobile we stand out in the hall and push a button now.
8. Butter Cooking Spray- My mother always had me greasing baking dishes by rubbing a squishy stick of greasy butter around, but now thanks to modern technology I merely spray an even layer of butter and never risk greasy finger.
9. Dual front seat Heating options- Clearly invented by a woman who was tired of freezing. I love that my husband can have his half of the front seat one temp and I can have mine different.
10. The Oven Timer- For people like me who can't remember to look at the clock
11. 100 calorie Packs- because we don't like to have to figure out the correct portion size. This way I don't "accidentally" eat more than I mean to.
12. Google- I could actually write an entire blog or even a book about how much I adore Google. I'm from a generation that still had to go to the library when we wanted to find something out. Now an entire world of answers is available just by clicking "search" . As a result I google EVERYTHING! I'm constantly thinking of things I want to know more about and 'click' I have everything at my finger tips.I Love You Google!
13. The 18 count pack of Eggs- Sometimes 12 is just one too few but with 18 I have time to think uh-oh better put eggs on the shopping list.
14. The Pack'n'Play- a crib that folds down for travel and pops up when you need it! Traveling with your
baby just got easier.
15. Anti Freezing Wiper fluid- because you don't always have time to scrape your windows. Or sometimes you forget and accidentally push the wiper button and now you don't have to worry about it icing up the window just because you forgot that it was only 29 degrees out.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Change My Heart (the story of Jonas)
Joshua has gotten a lot of mention recently so I thought that I'd try to give Jonas some equal airtime.
After having such an ordeal with Joshua and his health our plans for having five children were up in the air to say the least. One of the many times we were at the hospital a genetic counselor came and met with us. She advised us not to have any more children, or at least any other biological children. This was difficult and unexpected news. Luke and I had considered the idea of adoption before, but it was always in addition to biological children and not in place of them. We were stunned. Our plan for what our family would look like was beginning to look a lot different than what we had dreamt about when we were first married. Knowing though, that God's plan is often a much different, yet better than what we could ever come up with, we took this information filed it away and decided that when the time was right for us to add to our family God would show us what to do.
When Joshua's health situation miraculously changed and the 'storm' began to pass we both had this unspoken question looming over us "Is it okay for us to have more children?" Luke and I weren't in a hurry to dive into the unknown of another baby quite yet, but still the uncertainty of knowing what to do when the time came was in the back of our minds.
Sometime after Joshua's 1st birthday Luke came to me and said that he'd been thinking about us having another baby. After the roller coaster of emotions that I'd endured in the last year I was not ready to entertain that idea. I thought that I would feel relieved once Joshua was healthy and that I'd be ready to continue growing our family, but I wasn't. In fact I was beginning to think that maybe one child was enough for us. A few more month passed and I still felt the same way, not willing to take the risk. I told Luke that if God wanted us to have more biological children He would have to change my heart because I did not want any. It had been too much of a trial before and even though everything had turned out for the better I didn't want to take any chances. That day and for about the next week I prayed about this during my devotion times. I told God that I was scared and that I didn't know what the right decision was. I asked him to give me a desire for another child if that was His plan for our family. After I'd say Amen I'd kinda think to myself, "but good luck because I'm done having kids."
Less than a month later God had done a work in my heart. Each day I began to soften up to the idea of another child. Luke being a good husband hadn't even mentioned it again knowing how I felt. He was completely surprised when I told him that I had changed my mind. "But you were pretty sure," he said. "You said no." I told him how I had prayed and that God had given me such a peace knowing that are next child would be healthy and that He had put joy in my heart that desired a little baby. As the words left my mouth I was just about as shocked as he was, it really had only been a few weeks since I was dead set against the idea.
Once I was pregnant some people were surprised that we had "so quickly" decided to take such a chance with another kid. I remember telling several people that we were trusting God and He had given us reason to believe that this baby would be much different. I'm pretty sure at this time some people thought that we were crazy. I'm sure that more than one person thought we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. And then we met Jonas. A nine pound bundle of pure joy. Rolly polly and all smiles almost right from the start. Big blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. An absolutely perfectly healthy baby boy. Just like God assured us. I'm so glad that He changed my heart. I kiss those chubby baby cheeks and thank God for him everyday, and I also wonder what else God could change my heart about if only I asked.
 |
| Our Handsome Jonas |
After having such an ordeal with Joshua and his health our plans for having five children were up in the air to say the least. One of the many times we were at the hospital a genetic counselor came and met with us. She advised us not to have any more children, or at least any other biological children. This was difficult and unexpected news. Luke and I had considered the idea of adoption before, but it was always in addition to biological children and not in place of them. We were stunned. Our plan for what our family would look like was beginning to look a lot different than what we had dreamt about when we were first married. Knowing though, that God's plan is often a much different, yet better than what we could ever come up with, we took this information filed it away and decided that when the time was right for us to add to our family God would show us what to do.
When Joshua's health situation miraculously changed and the 'storm' began to pass we both had this unspoken question looming over us "Is it okay for us to have more children?" Luke and I weren't in a hurry to dive into the unknown of another baby quite yet, but still the uncertainty of knowing what to do when the time came was in the back of our minds.
Sometime after Joshua's 1st birthday Luke came to me and said that he'd been thinking about us having another baby. After the roller coaster of emotions that I'd endured in the last year I was not ready to entertain that idea. I thought that I would feel relieved once Joshua was healthy and that I'd be ready to continue growing our family, but I wasn't. In fact I was beginning to think that maybe one child was enough for us. A few more month passed and I still felt the same way, not willing to take the risk. I told Luke that if God wanted us to have more biological children He would have to change my heart because I did not want any. It had been too much of a trial before and even though everything had turned out for the better I didn't want to take any chances. That day and for about the next week I prayed about this during my devotion times. I told God that I was scared and that I didn't know what the right decision was. I asked him to give me a desire for another child if that was His plan for our family. After I'd say Amen I'd kinda think to myself, "but good luck because I'm done having kids."
Less than a month later God had done a work in my heart. Each day I began to soften up to the idea of another child. Luke being a good husband hadn't even mentioned it again knowing how I felt. He was completely surprised when I told him that I had changed my mind. "But you were pretty sure," he said. "You said no." I told him how I had prayed and that God had given me such a peace knowing that are next child would be healthy and that He had put joy in my heart that desired a little baby. As the words left my mouth I was just about as shocked as he was, it really had only been a few weeks since I was dead set against the idea.
 |
| 4 months old |
Once I was pregnant some people were surprised that we had "so quickly" decided to take such a chance with another kid. I remember telling several people that we were trusting God and He had given us reason to believe that this baby would be much different. I'm pretty sure at this time some people thought that we were crazy. I'm sure that more than one person thought we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. And then we met Jonas. A nine pound bundle of pure joy. Rolly polly and all smiles almost right from the start. Big blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. An absolutely perfectly healthy baby boy. Just like God assured us. I'm so glad that He changed my heart. I kiss those chubby baby cheeks and thank God for him everyday, and I also wonder what else God could change my heart about if only I asked.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Do You Lick The Lid?
My son loves pudding cups. Joshua has 2 snack times a day one at 10am and another one after his nap.Often the first words he mutters while racing to his spot at the kitchen table are " Choco puddin' cup pwease." Now even though they are fairly rich in calcium I know that they are not the healthiest of snacks so I mix it up a bit and sometimes he gets a yogurt instead. He almost always has a banana with it and maybe something else if we have it on hand. Recently when opening Joshua's pudding cup I had a thought. I grabbed the cup out of the fridge, I peeled back the plastic lid and I paused for just a second as I brought the lid towards my mouth and I thought, "Why must I lick this?"
I've given Joshua roughly a hundred snacks in the last few months. Do you know how many lids I've licked? Every single one! Why am I compelled to do this? Just the tiniest bid of pudding and yogurt hide somehow adhered to lids of their containers and every time I open one I just can't resist giving it a lick. This action came into focus for me the other day because the licking almost always leads to the opening of another container and me consuming it. I've been trying not to eat a snack every time Joshua does because someone 28 just does not need the same caloric intake as a 3 year old. a few days ago when I was trying to keep with my new no snack plan I noticed just how tempting it is to lick that lid and inevitably once I have licked it I think,"mmm that was good I should have one too." I found myself faced with this question, "when did the licking of the lid begin and how has it become a reflex."
I have no idea why I do this. Did it begin when I little and I got to lick the beaters when my mother was making a cake? Perhaps that mentality has carried over into other parts of my snacking realm. I'm not sure, but I do know that the more I thought about it the more I times I found myself doing it. The pudding, the yogurt, the flap on the ice cream, I even did it when I opened up a fresh chip dip container! It's like a gateway into snacking, one lick and I'm hooked.
This got me wondering....how many other people have this unstoppable urge to lick the lid?
I've given Joshua roughly a hundred snacks in the last few months. Do you know how many lids I've licked? Every single one! Why am I compelled to do this? Just the tiniest bid of pudding and yogurt hide somehow adhered to lids of their containers and every time I open one I just can't resist giving it a lick. This action came into focus for me the other day because the licking almost always leads to the opening of another container and me consuming it. I've been trying not to eat a snack every time Joshua does because someone 28 just does not need the same caloric intake as a 3 year old. a few days ago when I was trying to keep with my new no snack plan I noticed just how tempting it is to lick that lid and inevitably once I have licked it I think,"mmm that was good I should have one too." I found myself faced with this question, "when did the licking of the lid begin and how has it become a reflex."
I have no idea why I do this. Did it begin when I little and I got to lick the beaters when my mother was making a cake? Perhaps that mentality has carried over into other parts of my snacking realm. I'm not sure, but I do know that the more I thought about it the more I times I found myself doing it. The pudding, the yogurt, the flap on the ice cream, I even did it when I opened up a fresh chip dip container! It's like a gateway into snacking, one lick and I'm hooked.
This got me wondering....how many other people have this unstoppable urge to lick the lid?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Town Mouse and Country Mouse
Joshua has a book that is called "The Town Mouse and Country Mouse" and everytime I see it laying around I chuckle. Now in the story each mouse goes to the other mouse's home for a visit and in the end they realize that they are quite happy in their own homes because the city and the country are very different. I chuckle when I see this book because I have had a similar experience, but have transitioned from Town Mouse to Country Mouse.
In December of 2007 my husband accepted a call to become the Pastor at Memorial Baptist Church in Parkston, SD. I was nervous about the move for a variety of reasons. First off we were living in my hometown, and I knew it would be hard to leave for the first time. Secondly, if you know me you know that I hate change, really for no good reason because I've never regretted any changes that I've encountered, but still I thrive on continuity and routine. Lastly, I was quite unsure about moving to such a small area having lived in "the city" for so long.
I was positive I could do it though. I was 25, pregnant, newly married and excited about life in general so I was thrilled to begin this ministry adventure. I was sad to leave my family and my friends but also sure that this was God's will and plan for my husband and self. Then things got off to a bumpy start to say the least. My husband began his job in Parkston in February and was commuting 300 ish miles every week while I finished my teaching job and waited to have our baby who was to be born mid April. Well, on March 19th our son was born quite premature and very ill. This was most certainly unexpected and made our transistion a little more difficult.
We finally were fully moved into our Parkston home in May of 2008 not that we saw much of our home with all of the ongoing doctor visits and hospital stays it was not easy for us to get settled in. I can remember a time right after we moved when it was 10 pm and Joshua's oxygen wouldn't stay on his face and we were out of tagederm and even all of our band aids were gone. I told Luke that one of us needed to go to the store and get at least some band aids to secure the hose through the night and he just looked at me shaking his head and said "this isn't the city, there is no 24 hour walgreens down the street, everything closed at 9." This was where I began to realize that I was a little more of a Town mouse than I had thought.
My dad had thought all along that the transistion would be difficult for me and had mentioned on more than one occassion that I was more city than I thought I was. His greatest piece of advice, and something that I still practice today, was to go to Hobby Lobby around October before the weather starts getting too fierce and stock up on tons of craft projects, hobby supplies and just plain stuff to help pass the time. I of course rolled my eyes at the time and nodded with the required yes daddy response, but he was right. He was very right! The winters are long and with bad weather there isn't much of a chance to travel to a place that has everything. There have been many times since we've moved that I have pulled out a Hobby Lobby bag and worked on a project to pass the time.
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| Joshua and Luke at the homecoming parade One of our favorite fall events |
In December of 2007 my husband accepted a call to become the Pastor at Memorial Baptist Church in Parkston, SD. I was nervous about the move for a variety of reasons. First off we were living in my hometown, and I knew it would be hard to leave for the first time. Secondly, if you know me you know that I hate change, really for no good reason because I've never regretted any changes that I've encountered, but still I thrive on continuity and routine. Lastly, I was quite unsure about moving to such a small area having lived in "the city" for so long.
 |
| Joshua at the pumpkin patch |
We finally were fully moved into our Parkston home in May of 2008 not that we saw much of our home with all of the ongoing doctor visits and hospital stays it was not easy for us to get settled in. I can remember a time right after we moved when it was 10 pm and Joshua's oxygen wouldn't stay on his face and we were out of tagederm and even all of our band aids were gone. I told Luke that one of us needed to go to the store and get at least some band aids to secure the hose through the night and he just looked at me shaking his head and said "this isn't the city, there is no 24 hour walgreens down the street, everything closed at 9." This was where I began to realize that I was a little more of a Town mouse than I had thought.
My dad had thought all along that the transistion would be difficult for me and had mentioned on more than one occassion that I was more city than I thought I was. His greatest piece of advice, and something that I still practice today, was to go to Hobby Lobby around October before the weather starts getting too fierce and stock up on tons of craft projects, hobby supplies and just plain stuff to help pass the time. I of course rolled my eyes at the time and nodded with the required yes daddy response, but he was right. He was very right! The winters are long and with bad weather there isn't much of a chance to travel to a place that has everything. There have been many times since we've moved that I have pulled out a Hobby Lobby bag and worked on a project to pass the time.
Finally after 3 years I think that I have made the adjustment and actually embraced it. I think that you could call me a country mouse now. I look forward to the homecoming parade, the pumpkin patch, bicycling in the middle of the street, waving at everyone as you drive through town and Booms ice cream flavor of the week. I do however still miss a few things from the city though. Starbucks, delivery pizza, Chinese food, Target and a 24 hour anything still make me miss home, but I've made a new home here, and there is no better place to be than in God's will.
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| Our Church Memorial Baptist |
Monday, March 7, 2011
Joshua the Miracle
Joshua is turning 3 on March 19th and some have been wanting to hear a blog about how Joshua has changed in the last 3 years.
When Luke finally did wake me up he was very worried and talking so fast I could hardly understand him. I remember only clips and phrases of what happened and what was said during this time, partly because I was so tired and partly because I was so panicked. I do remember being shocked when I saw Luke walking over to me with a clipboard saying that I needed to sign it right away because Joshua needed a blood transfusion immediately. "Where's the baby at?" "What's going on?" It was about 6am and it hadn't been a good night for Joshua. They had been surprised that he had even made it through to morning. He was extremely anemic and needed 2 transfusions right away to even survive. His heart pressure was very high, and he couldn't breathe on his own.
I didn't get to hold him again for the longest 8 days of my life. I felt like we lived at the NICU watching him, praying over him, crying over him. Finally on April 6th we thought that we were taking him home and showed up at the hospital ready to go just to have his test results come back and find out that he needed more blood again. That evening after another transfusion we took home our son. He was on 3 different prescriptions and full time oxygen. We thought that he was getting better though and were excited to have him in his room finally. A week later at his first doctor appointment we started hearing some difficult news. Joshua wasn't getting better like he should have been. His heart pressure was still high, he wasn't breathing like he should have been and his hemoglobin was low again. Discouraged we took him home thinking it would just take time. Again a few weeks later we heard a similar story at his next appointment. In the midst of all of this we moved. We changed doctors and were now taking Joshua to a specialist in Sioux Falls who feared that Joshua's condition would never get better. This doctor suggested a bone marrow biopsy.
I remember sitting in the surgical unit waiting room like it was yesterday. I felt chilly partly from the drafty room and partly because I hadn't slept in days. Up half the night with a baby and the other half of the night crying and praying for him to get better. I felt as though everything was moving and yet we were completely still. And when Joshua came out of surgery I held him so tight, and kissed his head a thousand times, I thought the worst was behind me, but it wasn't. A few days later, a day before Joshua would turn 5 months old we sat in the hematologists office and heard him say that Joshua's bone marrow was abnormal. It did not contain what it needed for him to make blood. The transfusions that he already had were just the beginning and he would need a shunt to receive blood on a regular basis until his body couldn't survive. He said that the extra iron from the transfusions would slowly build up until his little body couldn't hold anymore and would die. The life expectancy for someone with this condition would only be 7 maybe 10 years.
That moment changed my life forever. But we went home and we prayed. And everyone we knew prayed. And everyone that they knew prayed. And we went to another bad appointment and another one and another one, and then it happened. We went to an appointment and Joshua's blood work came back the same as the last time, not worse, not better but the same. At the next appointment is was little better, not much, just barely, but a miracle. Joshua's body had made the tiniest bit of blood on it's own and it was a miracle.
It was then that Joshua's story changed. He went from a sick fussy baby to a happy healthy baby and it all started that day with the tiniest change. Joshua was 6 months old when he received his last transfusion. At his next appointment he was to get a shunt put in so that he could receive blood regularly, but he never needed it. God healed him. The last time that we saw his hematologist he said to us "this can't be the same kid,these test results can't be right". But he is the same kid, he is healed.
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| Joshua just a few days old in the NICU |
As I've mentioned in passing before Joshua was born somewhat unexpectedly early after several weeks of me battling pre-eclampsia and finally no longer being able to carry him safely. At first we were really excited that we were going to get to see him early, and thought that it was going to be a great day. We'd had several ultrasounds due to my health problems and all of them showed that the baby was healthy. After delivering Joshua we had brief chance to hold him and take the traditional first few minute photos, but then the nurses took him to be weighed, measured and bathed. It was during that time that they began to realize that what they had at first thought was a healthy baby boy was in fact a very sick infant. I had no idea what was happening at that time. I was tired and it was 1am so after a quick bite I fell asleep thinking that my baby was perfectly healthy and that Luke would wake me up soon and we would be holding our son and cuddling him all morning.
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| Joshua's 1st B-day |
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| Our family celebrating Joshua turning 1-a miracle |
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| Joshua and Luke at the Zoo for Joshua's 2nd B-day |
That moment changed my life forever. But we went home and we prayed. And everyone we knew prayed. And everyone that they knew prayed. And we went to another bad appointment and another one and another one, and then it happened. We went to an appointment and Joshua's blood work came back the same as the last time, not worse, not better but the same. At the next appointment is was little better, not much, just barely, but a miracle. Joshua's body had made the tiniest bit of blood on it's own and it was a miracle.
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| Joshua turning 2 |
It was then that Joshua's story changed. He went from a sick fussy baby to a happy healthy baby and it all started that day with the tiniest change. Joshua was 6 months old when he received his last transfusion. At his next appointment he was to get a shunt put in so that he could receive blood regularly, but he never needed it. God healed him. The last time that we saw his hematologist he said to us "this can't be the same kid,these test results can't be right". But he is the same kid, he is healed.
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| Joshua just a few days ago at the park |
Joshua has changed so much since then. He had few more surgeries after that : Hernia, Cleft Pallet, and Ear Tubes but nothing we couldn't handle. Just in the last year he has become such a talker. He thinks he is very funny and is much the class clown minus the class. He loves his new baby brother and is always giving Jonas hugs and kisses. He loves Thomas the Train and is having a Thomas birthday party. His favorite foods are spaghetti, corn dogs, and grilled cheese. Joshua's favorite restaurant is the China Buffet because he gets to have ice cream when he's done eating and they have a fish tank there that he is quite interested in. He likes to be a helper but his idea of helping isn't always the same as mine. He can throw a tantrum that can shake the walls of his bedroom and just a few seconds later he can melt my heart with his smile. He is amazing! He is truly a miracle. Luke and I joke alot that it's not easy raising a miracle, because it hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it. Every night before Joshua goes to sleep we say our prayers and we thank God for healing him and giving us a miracle.
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| Always has a smile for everyone. Playing here with his Grandma |
Sunday, March 6, 2011
To Submit or Not to Submit a quick look at Eph 5:22
I have had a few requests lately for specific Blog topics so there will be a few more blogs than usual coming in days ahead so that I keep up with the demands of my audience. Ha!
One thing that I have really been thinking about lately is the role of the wife in a marriage. I know, I've been married five years now so it's more than time I figure this out right? However, in the beginning our marriage I felt very conflicted over this. I was a very independent person before I married my husband. I lived alone, I had a college degree, a great teaching job, and paid all my bills on time. I was always told by my loving parents that I had a lot to offer and that I should speak up, and be heard because I was intelligent and had good ideas. This was a recipe for a great and very successful single life, but had me a little confused when I first faced the idea of marriage and what a Biblical marriage looks like.
During our marriage counseling I read a book that about sent me running in the opposite direction of being a submissive wife. I dreaded hearing about submitting to my husband, and to this day have wondered what that really looks like. Anytime that I've heard someone mention a wife being submissive it has always been in a situation where a husband thought one thing and the wife thought something different and the husband decided to play the "submission card." So wives don't get to have an opinion? "Is my husband always right, even when he's wrong?" "So all I'm good for is being barefoot, pregnant, cooking and cleaning?" These are all things that I've wondered about when confronted with the issue of submission.
Recently I've been going through Barbara Hughes book "Disciplines of a Godly Woman," and it has helped to offer me some great insight into this much debated topic. The verse that is most often quoted when we think of Biblical submission is in Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your husbands..." I don't know about you, but anytime this has come up in my home it has gone something like this: "The Bible says that you're suppose to submit to me." "Yeah, well the Bible also says that you're suppose to love me like Christ loved the Church!" and around and around it goes and nothing is accomplished.
Let me put it like this, Submission is not situational, it is relational. Submission is not when your husband wants to do something his way and not your way and say fine I have to be submissive to you because I'm merely the wife. That is submission isolated to a particular situation. Submission should be the theme to your relationship with your husband. You should always be following his lead. You should be your husbands helpmate just as the Bible calls you to in Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." In Barbara Hughes' book she write, "No one wants to play second fiddle. But that fact is, without a second violin there is no harmony." I love that line! In fact I love it so much I wish that I had come up with it! I long for harmony in my home, harmony is a beautiful thing. To get that harmony someone has to play the second violin's part. It's genius, the second part is just as vital to the perfection of the sound as the first violin's part is, but it's a different part. If both were to play that first part it wouldn't sound as good. This makes complete sense to me coming from a somewhat musical background.
The main reason for my fueled interest into this topic lately has been because of what I call the "husband puppet." My husband and I recently encountered a situation in which a man aired a million complaints and suggestions mixed with tons of emotions and by the end of the conversation it had become clear that this man's wife was very upset at home and really given it to him and now he was airing all of her complaints and thoughts in a very puppeted way. When I walked away from this situation I thought to myself, " I hope that I don't make my husband look that ridiculous." My intention has never been to get my husband to do whatever I want, but I don't think that man's wife started out with that intention either, but when I saw him it was as though he were just a puppet and she was at home pulling his strings. I don't want to be my husbands puppet master, or wear the pants, or boss him around. I don't want my strong intelligent husband to look foolish because of my inability to be a biblical wife.
I have a million thoughts on this topic and could write an entire series of blogs on it if I wanted to, but I want to make one point in all of this. You can be a strong woman, and intelligent woman and a successful woman and be submissive. Aristotle said that gentleness is the mean between excessive anger and excessive angerless. Meekness/Gentleness is strength under control. If you have ever cringed or winced at the thought of submission take another look. It's not what you've always thought.
One thing that I have really been thinking about lately is the role of the wife in a marriage. I know, I've been married five years now so it's more than time I figure this out right? However, in the beginning our marriage I felt very conflicted over this. I was a very independent person before I married my husband. I lived alone, I had a college degree, a great teaching job, and paid all my bills on time. I was always told by my loving parents that I had a lot to offer and that I should speak up, and be heard because I was intelligent and had good ideas. This was a recipe for a great and very successful single life, but had me a little confused when I first faced the idea of marriage and what a Biblical marriage looks like.
During our marriage counseling I read a book that about sent me running in the opposite direction of being a submissive wife. I dreaded hearing about submitting to my husband, and to this day have wondered what that really looks like. Anytime that I've heard someone mention a wife being submissive it has always been in a situation where a husband thought one thing and the wife thought something different and the husband decided to play the "submission card." So wives don't get to have an opinion? "Is my husband always right, even when he's wrong?" "So all I'm good for is being barefoot, pregnant, cooking and cleaning?" These are all things that I've wondered about when confronted with the issue of submission.
Recently I've been going through Barbara Hughes book "Disciplines of a Godly Woman," and it has helped to offer me some great insight into this much debated topic. The verse that is most often quoted when we think of Biblical submission is in Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your husbands..." I don't know about you, but anytime this has come up in my home it has gone something like this: "The Bible says that you're suppose to submit to me." "Yeah, well the Bible also says that you're suppose to love me like Christ loved the Church!" and around and around it goes and nothing is accomplished.
Let me put it like this, Submission is not situational, it is relational. Submission is not when your husband wants to do something his way and not your way and say fine I have to be submissive to you because I'm merely the wife. That is submission isolated to a particular situation. Submission should be the theme to your relationship with your husband. You should always be following his lead. You should be your husbands helpmate just as the Bible calls you to in Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." In Barbara Hughes' book she write, "No one wants to play second fiddle. But that fact is, without a second violin there is no harmony." I love that line! In fact I love it so much I wish that I had come up with it! I long for harmony in my home, harmony is a beautiful thing. To get that harmony someone has to play the second violin's part. It's genius, the second part is just as vital to the perfection of the sound as the first violin's part is, but it's a different part. If both were to play that first part it wouldn't sound as good. This makes complete sense to me coming from a somewhat musical background.
The main reason for my fueled interest into this topic lately has been because of what I call the "husband puppet." My husband and I recently encountered a situation in which a man aired a million complaints and suggestions mixed with tons of emotions and by the end of the conversation it had become clear that this man's wife was very upset at home and really given it to him and now he was airing all of her complaints and thoughts in a very puppeted way. When I walked away from this situation I thought to myself, " I hope that I don't make my husband look that ridiculous." My intention has never been to get my husband to do whatever I want, but I don't think that man's wife started out with that intention either, but when I saw him it was as though he were just a puppet and she was at home pulling his strings. I don't want to be my husbands puppet master, or wear the pants, or boss him around. I don't want my strong intelligent husband to look foolish because of my inability to be a biblical wife.
I have a million thoughts on this topic and could write an entire series of blogs on it if I wanted to, but I want to make one point in all of this. You can be a strong woman, and intelligent woman and a successful woman and be submissive. Aristotle said that gentleness is the mean between excessive anger and excessive angerless. Meekness/Gentleness is strength under control. If you have ever cringed or winced at the thought of submission take another look. It's not what you've always thought.
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