The Source of our Joy

Jonas is so laid back and low maintenance that Luke and I often find ourselves wondering if he's really our kid. He smiles constantly and is almost always giggling and squealing with joy. His smile is so contagious in fact that not that long ago I found myself telling Luke that God sent us Jonas because He knew I'd need all those smiles to get through the days that would follow my dad's death.

A few short days after my "Gushing about Jonas" session I spent the morning alone with him. Joshua had a doctors appointment and Luke had driven him into Mitchell for it.When they drove away Jonas stood at the door watching and shrieking as though they had forgotten him. I walked over to close the door and reassured him that they would be back for lunch and that he and I would have tons of fun during our morning together. Being the second child Joe and I have rarely been without Joshua for even a few hours so I figured he would revel in the chance to have me all to himself.

Crying, Whining, Pouting, and frowning had evidently been been added to the morning agenda by someone other than myself. I tried everything to get my sunny, happy Jonas back. We played on the floor. We looked at books together. I even gave him an extra snack time, and nothing seemed to work. He must be sick, or teething. Something must be wrong I concluded.

Finally I saw the makings of a smile begin pushing his rosy cheeks back where they belong. He was standing at the window and I crawled over to kiss him and tell him I was glad to see him happy again. As I leaned toward him I heard a car door closing. Luke and Joshua were in the driveway. I turned back to Jonas, but he had already crawled over to the door and was sitting impatiently waiting for it to open. Joshua ran into the room nearly knowing Jonas over. "Hi, Jonas!" He bent down to hug and kiss his brother, and I realized the source of Jonas's joy. Jonas giggled, blew a raspberry toward Joshua and smiled his 2 toothed grin.

In the nine months Jonas has spent with us I'd never noticed it before. All this time I'd been so busy thinking about Jonas and how he made us smile, that it never crossed my mind to wonder what made him smile.

This got me thinking about God as our source of Joy. The minute Joshua was out of the house Jonas failed to be 'himself'. It was as though Joshua had packed up Joe's happiness and taken it with him. What takes our  happiness away? When I have a day where  I just can't seem to put a smile on my face what's the reason. If God is my true source of joy my happiness should never be contingent on my circumstances. Circumstances may change but God never does. When Joshua left Jonas felt abandoned, he stood in front of the door and watched him drive away. The Bible tells us though, that God will never leave us or forsake us. No matter what happens in our lives, through disappointments, death , and tragedy, we are never without Him and His love for us. My happiness should never 'walk out the door' if it is rooted in Christ because He never leaves and neither does His faithfulness. He is always right beside us. Which is exactly where Jonas likes Joshua to be - right beside him.

A Gift or a Curse

The TV show Monk was one of mine and Luke's favorites for as long as it aired. Even now when we happen to catch a rerun we sit down and have a good laugh while Tony Shalub cracks the case in his unique way. If you've never seen the show, the main character Mr. Monk has a unique ability to notice things and uses this "gift" to solve murders. He however, is also plagued by this incredible ability and his sensitivity to everything has made him into a Obsessive Compulsive mess. One of our favorite lines from the show is Monk's response whenever he's asked about his crime solving abilities "it's a gift...and a curse" is always his response.

I took Joshua outside this morning and watched him play in the backyard while Jonas was napping. He rode his tricycle, pretended sticks were rockets, chased a bunny around the yard, and rolled around in his sandbox until entirely covered in damp sand. The air outside had a specific crispness to it. The kind of cool peacefulness that occurs every year around August when the backpacks start making their way to front displays at walmart and kids are excitedly looking at their school supply lists.

 I breathed in that crisp air and remembered the last time I was in school. I was finishing up my elementary education degree. I thought back on it fondly and then remembered the reality of my last semester on campus. Thousands of lessons plans, term papers, power point presentations, and of course the all time consuming professional portfolio were all things that had to be completed before I could move past the "paperwork" portion of my senor year and get to the student teaching. For a brief moment my chest tightened up and I distinctly remembered all the pressure I felt pushing on me.I loved teaching. When our children are grown and in school I intend to go back to the classroom and reignite my passion for education.

But as I sat watching Joshua this morning I felt so amazingly blessed. The opportunity to be a stay at home mom is such a gift. It's not easy, it's exhausting most days, and we make financial sacrifices that most couples our age would cringe at the thought of, but it is so worth it. It's worth wearing last years jeans, not having the fanciest SUV, and sending most of our paycheck to the insurance company.

When I remembered the stresses of school and thought back on the deadlines of lesson plans and parent teacher conferences I felt truly happy, that for what will seem like a brief moment in the years to come,  I had this great opportunity to let watching and guiding my children be my job. I've heard moms on maternity leave say things like "I can't wait to get back to work, I just don't know what to do with my kids all day." Or a mother who worked part time once said to me "When I've had 4 days off in a row I just can't wait to take my kids back to daycare so I don't have to see them all day."

It wasn't easy for me when I first started started staying at home. It was an adjustment for sure to transition from seeing hundreds of people a day to just me and my son, but so worth hanging in there and praying for God to let taking care of my family be the desire of my heart.  I pray sincerely that more mothers would let staying at home with their kids be a gift and not a curse.