How will I know that I've been a good mom? How will I know that I'm doing my job right? These are questions that I asked myself when I first had Joshua our oldest son, and began my journey as a stay at home mom. When I was a teacher I based my success on performance reviews, my peers approval, and the success of my students. I have to admit that when I first became a parent I felt like I needed a superior telling me that I was "on the right track" with how I was parenting my little one. In fact, the most difficult part of the transition from working to being at home was the absence of feedback. I would even tell my husband that I felt like a failure because I had no one saying, "hey great job today!" I don't often hear, "Wow, I love the way you folded my clothes mommy."
I prayed and I thought about how I could measure my success as a mother, how would I know that I was on the right track in raising my sons to become Godly men. After much consideration and hours in prayer I decided that things that are truly important are as follows :
1. Raise my children to know the Lord, to love Him, honor Him, and live their lives according to his will.
2. Raise my children to know they are loved.
3. Raise my children to think of others, and love others as much as they love themselves.
Now these are in no way the only things I want my children to know, of course reading would be great too :) but these are things that topped my list. This list of 3 is my top priority and when I see these things evolving in my children I know that I am being the mother God has called me to be.
I have just recently begun to see my hard work pay off. Joshua's love for his Sunday School class overwhelms me. He starts asking to go to Sunday school on about Tuesday of every week. He tells me things from his lesson and I see him beginning to develop an understanding of the importance of church
(on a 4 year old level of course!). Even our nightly prayers times are becoming more serious as he realizes what and Who we are talking about.
I grew up in a home where it was no secret how much my parents loved me. I knew that they would love me no matter what. If I brought home a bad grade, got in trouble for too much talking in class, or stayed out too late, I knew they would love me no matter what. They would surely discipline me, but they would love me mo matter what. I wanted my children to feel that same love, even before I had my own children. I felt so secure as a child knowing that I could never earn or un-earn my parents love. The other night I was getting ready to tuck Joshua in for the night and I was walking him to his room. I looked down at him and said,"do you know what Joshua?" He looked up at me and smiled - he said, "You love me." He was right, that's exactly what I was going to say. That same night when it was finally my bedtime, I told this story to Luke and before I fell asleep I told him, "I think the kids know how much I really love them. It was one of the best feelings in the world.
This morning we were just finishing up breakfast and getting ready to move to the family room where our routine is watching the news while the boys play for a bit and then cartoon time while I get ready for the day. "Let's go, you ready Joe?" Jonas looked at me, shook his head and ran toward his room. I figured he was in search of his blanket and would soon be back out and ready to go. When he came back down the hall however, I was so surprised to see not only is blanket, but Lambie (Joshua's most prized possession.) What happened next though was the biggest surprise of all. Joe headed right over to Joshua, thrust Lambie toward him and said, "here!" Joshua was equally surprised, "thank you Jonas." And then they hugged. I'd begun seeing Joshua looking out for his little brother a while back, but this was the first I'd really seen Joe becoming aware of the needs and wants of others. Another proud mommy moment.
Then just as I was sitting thinking about my kids and how proud of them I am, I realized this list of 3 is what God (Our Father) wants to see from us, and I had one of those moments when you feel like it's all starting to make sense.
God wants us to Love Him and live according to His will, to know how loved we are by Him, and for us to love others as much as we love ourselves, so it is no wonder He is pleased with us when we accomplish this. And it is no wonder it's the list I established for my own kids after prayer.
My little men are a work in progress, but for today, I feel like I'm on the right track. Thanks to a little unexpected performance review.
