My husband and I are approaching our fourth wedding anniversary. Now I realize how tiny this milestone really is in comparison to other couples like my parents who just celebrated their 40th, yet there is something about this anniversary that feels different than the others. This last year I have felt our marriage leaving the "Honeymoon" stage. We've become extremely comfortable in our marriage. We don't work quite so hard to impress each other anymore. Most of the time I love this feeling of truly being ourselves. I know that if I'm too tired in the morning to put on any makeup my husband doesn't really care. He knows that even if his bath towel doesn't make it to the clothes hamper, but instead hangs off of the closet door that I accept him for who he is. However, there is some part of me that has watched one too many romantic comedies. I've seen one too many chick flicks where the guy wrote the girl a love song, a poem, he showed up everyday with roses, or sent her 100 roses, and he looks into her eyes and you just know that even after 4 years of marriage he'd still be sweepin' her off her feet.
One of the jokes I often make to my husband is about that Country song by Craig Morgan. The lyrics give all sorts of examples of romantic situations and the chorus always ends with "if you like that, you're gonna love forever." It isn't supposed to be a funny song, but I have a hard time making it through all the verses with a straight face. I just have a hard time believing that a man is going to do all the things listed in the song and do them FOREVER. I actually think that the song would be more honest if the words went something like this : if you like drifting off to soft pillow talk and waking up together, girl if you like that you're gonna love the first year of our marriage. Not as catchy I know, but maybe more honest.
Is a marriage just supposed to be all romance? If your husband hasn't bought you flowers, or written you a song, or taken you out for a fancy date recently does that mean that the "magic" has gone out of your marriage? I admit that there are times when I have been sucked into this "Sleepless in Seattle" way of thinking. The truth however is that no matter how many romantic comedies become blockbusters, romance is not the true definition of love.
My husband preached a sermon once where he compared Hollywood's idea of love to God's idea of love. When Hollywood wants to show us love they point to the bedroom, but when God wanted to demonstrate His love for us he pointed to the cross. He sacrificed His Son. John 3:16, one of the most well known verses in the Bible says "for God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son." What does this say about love? First of all it says that the best love story ever written was written for us, and second it says that love is about sacrifice.
When I take a step back from all of the romantic propaganda that I'm flooded with everyday and really look to the heart of my marriage I know that it is grounded in the deepest and truest kind of love, a love that cannot be shaken by time, a love that rooted in God's love for us. Maybe romance does fade, but what is romance? A feeling, a song, a beautiful bouquet, those are all things that are nice for a time but they aren't love.
Maybe we have left the "Honeymoon" part of our marriage. I now scour the house for little love notes that say more than "cats need food" or "out of shampoo", but if I had to give the new phase of our marriage a title I think I would call it "Love Never Fails".
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
The greatest challenge
What do I think is the greatest challenge of being a stay at home mom? Long hours that consist of the kind of conversations I can only have with an almost two-year-old. The balance between giving my child enough one-on-one time and also allowing him enough freedom to become independent. I even sometimes find it challenging to carry on a conversation with another adult without mentioning my son or something humorous he did. However, none of these are the greatest challenge that I face day after day.
Not gaining an extra 10 lbs. each month; Now that is the greatest challenge of all! When I first had my son of course there was that time period where my focus was on "losing the baby weight" but after a few weeks that energy fades and you're still at home with a fully stocked refrigerator and all the potato chips that you can eat.
During "Joshua the early months" I was not quite as tempted as I have become as of late. I think this is because as they move into the toddler stages your child begins to understand snacking and desire snacks for him or herself. I find it increasingly difficult to hand my son a banana from the fridge without glancing one shelf up and seeing last nights delicious leftovers begging me to reheat them in the microwave. My son particularly likes Cheetos, and crackers. I have cut out the cheeto buying all together since I can eat an entire bag during one episode of Mickey Mouse while he tires from his snack after about 4 pieces and then proceeds to works off the calories by chasing the cat around the room. Crackers have however become my nemesis. I love the buttery rich flavor of round crisp Ritz crackers but have come to scowl in their presence after having been seduced by them on many occasions. After devouring an entire "sleeve" of crackers I usually find myself in a state of carb-angst, wishing I had never seen the crackers on sale at walmart for $1.98 a box.
I have been on fairly good behavior since the start of the new year, but heck that's only been about 20 days and I have years left before Joshua begins school and I think about returning to work. In short I think that any mother who stays at home with her children and does not weigh 200 lbs. is superhero, a woman to be revered. I encourage myself with these words:
"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." Proverbs 25:28
Not gaining an extra 10 lbs. each month; Now that is the greatest challenge of all! When I first had my son of course there was that time period where my focus was on "losing the baby weight" but after a few weeks that energy fades and you're still at home with a fully stocked refrigerator and all the potato chips that you can eat.
During "Joshua the early months" I was not quite as tempted as I have become as of late. I think this is because as they move into the toddler stages your child begins to understand snacking and desire snacks for him or herself. I find it increasingly difficult to hand my son a banana from the fridge without glancing one shelf up and seeing last nights delicious leftovers begging me to reheat them in the microwave. My son particularly likes Cheetos, and crackers. I have cut out the cheeto buying all together since I can eat an entire bag during one episode of Mickey Mouse while he tires from his snack after about 4 pieces and then proceeds to works off the calories by chasing the cat around the room. Crackers have however become my nemesis. I love the buttery rich flavor of round crisp Ritz crackers but have come to scowl in their presence after having been seduced by them on many occasions. After devouring an entire "sleeve" of crackers I usually find myself in a state of carb-angst, wishing I had never seen the crackers on sale at walmart for $1.98 a box.
I have been on fairly good behavior since the start of the new year, but heck that's only been about 20 days and I have years left before Joshua begins school and I think about returning to work. In short I think that any mother who stays at home with her children and does not weigh 200 lbs. is superhero, a woman to be revered. I encourage myself with these words:
"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." Proverbs 25:28
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Beginning
There are 2 Questions that I am often asked as a stay at home mom and a Pastor's Wife. The first Question is "Were you sleeping?" If I receive a phone call in the middle of the day I am almost guaranteed to hear this stated on the other line. I'm not sure who these stay at home moms are who have time to chase their kids, cook, clean, do the laundry and NAP. I wish that I could nap in the middle of the day with good a clear concious. The few times that I have tried to catch up on my sleep from the deprivation of the previous night I have always found myself ridden with guilt in knowing that if I actually doze off there will be no clean shirts in my husbands drawers or toys will still be covering the living room floor when company comes over. I have no idea where my friends, family and other acquaintences have gotten the idea that stay at home means stay in bed, but as much as I wish I could answer their question with a yes, My answer is most definately no, I was not just sleeping.
The second question that I am most frequently asked is a classic. "What does your husband do all day?" To be married to a Pastor is fascinating. I am constantly shocked by what people assume a Pastor does and does not do. A few of my favorite assumptions are as follows : My husband only works on Sundays. All being a Pastor entails is telling the same Bible stories we've all heard over and over again. We must never have any fun. My child is destined to be "Wild" as all Pastors' kids are. We never watch TV. The list could go on and on of things come up again and again in coversations I've had.
So what is the answer to this popular question? There are many answers because my husband does and is many things to many people. Now on a typical day my husband leaves for work in the morning just like he would for any other job, he goes to the office and returns calls and emails, studies for his sermon (which contrary to what many people think requires more than just 'reading his Bible'). Because of the proximity of our house to the church he does come home for lunch, but after grabbing a quick bite he returns to the church where he usually does one of two things. He either ventures out on visits, or he calls and follows up church administrative work (ie: ordering materials, checking on visitors to the church, making copies of sermons that have been requested, getting ready for meetings...the list could go on and on).
All that was previously stated is what happens on a typical day. What happens on a not so typical day? The phone could ring at 3am and someone from the church could be in the hospital an hour away. So he leaves and drives to the hospital to be with that person and their family and prays with them and encourages them. This summer he stayed by the bedside of a dying woman for 19 days until she went to be with the Lord, constantly praying and reading her scripture. Someone could show up at our home at 7am and need marriage counseling because they're ready to leave their spouse if they don't get help. Sometimes the phone rings off the hook with people requesting counseling. Sometimes however the phone is silent because no matter how much a congregation wants their pastor when they desperately need him, the relationship often goes unreciprocated.
People think of a pastor and his wife as super humans who need nothing given to them, like a bottomless checking account where they can continue to make withdrawls but never have to make any deposits. You know that saying "it's lonely at the top." That statement can sure feel true. So what is it that a Pastor does all day? God's work in man's world, it's a tough job the hours are long and the pay isn't good, but the benefits can be endless.
The second question that I am most frequently asked is a classic. "What does your husband do all day?" To be married to a Pastor is fascinating. I am constantly shocked by what people assume a Pastor does and does not do. A few of my favorite assumptions are as follows : My husband only works on Sundays. All being a Pastor entails is telling the same Bible stories we've all heard over and over again. We must never have any fun. My child is destined to be "Wild" as all Pastors' kids are. We never watch TV. The list could go on and on of things come up again and again in coversations I've had.
So what is the answer to this popular question? There are many answers because my husband does and is many things to many people. Now on a typical day my husband leaves for work in the morning just like he would for any other job, he goes to the office and returns calls and emails, studies for his sermon (which contrary to what many people think requires more than just 'reading his Bible'). Because of the proximity of our house to the church he does come home for lunch, but after grabbing a quick bite he returns to the church where he usually does one of two things. He either ventures out on visits, or he calls and follows up church administrative work (ie: ordering materials, checking on visitors to the church, making copies of sermons that have been requested, getting ready for meetings...the list could go on and on).
All that was previously stated is what happens on a typical day. What happens on a not so typical day? The phone could ring at 3am and someone from the church could be in the hospital an hour away. So he leaves and drives to the hospital to be with that person and their family and prays with them and encourages them. This summer he stayed by the bedside of a dying woman for 19 days until she went to be with the Lord, constantly praying and reading her scripture. Someone could show up at our home at 7am and need marriage counseling because they're ready to leave their spouse if they don't get help. Sometimes the phone rings off the hook with people requesting counseling. Sometimes however the phone is silent because no matter how much a congregation wants their pastor when they desperately need him, the relationship often goes unreciprocated.
People think of a pastor and his wife as super humans who need nothing given to them, like a bottomless checking account where they can continue to make withdrawls but never have to make any deposits. You know that saying "it's lonely at the top." That statement can sure feel true. So what is it that a Pastor does all day? God's work in man's world, it's a tough job the hours are long and the pay isn't good, but the benefits can be endless.
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