Change My Heart (the story of Jonas)

Joshua has gotten a lot of mention recently so I thought that I'd try to give Jonas some equal airtime. 

Our Handsome Jonas

After having such an ordeal with Joshua and his health our plans for having five children were up in the air to say the least. One of the many times we were at the hospital a genetic counselor came and met with us. She advised us not to have any more children, or at least any other biological children. This was difficult and unexpected news. Luke and I had considered the idea of adoption before, but it was always in addition to biological children and not in place of them. We were stunned. Our plan for what our family would look like was beginning to look a lot different than what we had dreamt about when we were first married. Knowing though, that God's plan is often a much different, yet better than what we could ever come up with, we took this information filed it away and decided that when the time was right for us to add to our family God would show us what to do.

When Joshua's health situation miraculously changed and the 'storm' began to pass we both had this unspoken question looming over us "Is it okay for us to have more children?" Luke and I weren't in a hurry to dive into the unknown of another baby quite yet, but still the uncertainty of knowing what to do when the time came was in the back of our minds.

Sometime after Joshua's 1st birthday Luke came to me and said that he'd been thinking about us having another baby. After the roller coaster of emotions that I'd endured in the last year I was not ready to entertain that idea. I thought that I would feel relieved once Joshua was healthy and that I'd be ready to continue growing our family, but I wasn't. In fact I was beginning to think that maybe one child was enough for us. A few more month passed and I still felt the same way, not willing to take the risk. I told Luke that if God wanted us to have more biological children He would have to change my heart because I did not want any. It had been too much of a trial before and even though everything had turned out for the better I didn't want to take any chances. That day and for about the next week I prayed about this during my devotion times.  I told God that I was scared and that I didn't know what the right decision was. I asked him to give me a desire for another child if that was His plan for our family. After I'd say Amen I'd kinda think to myself, "but good luck because I'm done having kids."

Less than a month later God had done a work in my heart. Each day I began to soften up to the idea of another child. Luke being a good husband hadn't even mentioned it again knowing how I felt. He was completely surprised when I told him that I had changed my mind. "But you were pretty sure," he said. "You said no." I told him how I had prayed and that God had given me such a peace knowing that are next child would be healthy and that He had put joy in my heart that desired a little baby. As the words left my mouth I was just about as shocked as he was, it really had only been a few weeks since I was dead set against the idea.


4 months old


Once I was pregnant some people were surprised that we had "so quickly" decided to take such a chance with another kid. I remember telling several people that we were trusting God and He had given us reason to believe that this baby would be much different. I'm pretty sure at this time some people thought that we were crazy. I'm sure that more than one person thought we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. And then we met Jonas. A nine pound bundle of pure joy. Rolly polly and all smiles almost right from the start. Big blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. An absolutely perfectly healthy baby boy. Just like God assured us. I'm so glad that He changed my heart. I kiss those chubby baby cheeks and thank God for him everyday, and I also wonder what else God could change my heart about if only I asked.