Am I Sorry?

"For Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret..." II Cor. 7:10

Joshua is now at the age where I expect him to apologize when he's committed a wrong. Several times a day you may find him leaning over Jonas, kissing him on the head ever so gently, and then loudly proclaiming "saweee Joe." Before Joshua is allowed to leave his room after a time out I always expect him to say those magic words to me "saweee Mommy." But the other day it occurred to me, does he really know what he's saying? Is he really sorry? If he was really sorry would I see him apologizing to his brother over and over again? Then it dawned on me that these are questions I should ask myself.

A major part of following Christ is not only believing that he died for my sins but also being repentant of those sins and turning away from them. How often do I find myself acting no more mature in my relationship with Christ than my very own 3 year old acts. If Joshua pushes Jonas and apologizes, I expect him to show me he's really sorry by not doing it again. In fact there have been times where half way through his apology he takes a toy right out Jonas hand and is no better off than before the apology even began. How many times though have I been the same way.

How can we ever become truly sorry? An apology has to be a change in action, a heart change. When a student would tease another student in my classroom I would always make them apologize. Knowing so many times that all my action had done is delay their taunting until lunch or at least until they were out of my sight, I always hoped and prayed that child doing the teasing would think just long enough to realize that making someone else feel bad doesn't create anything but hurt. That kind of thinking however doesn't come from the head, it comes from the heart. How then can we change our hearts? Only God can do that, but we can pray. We can ask God to help us become more Christ like. In order to be truly sorry we have to ask God to change us and make us more like Him. Only then can I stop the cycle of empty apologies and instead move forward in my own Spiritual Growth.