It seems the last month and a half has had someone in our family sick about every other week. Whether it has been a stomach bug that hit everyone but Luke, Influenza that knocked everyone down but me, or the Pneumonia that had Joshua in the hospital. It's been a rough go around here. My least favorite part about sickness is missing church. We have such an awesome church family, one where you feel like everyone is really is family and you miss them when you don't get to see them. As the wife of a Pastor I always end up with stay home from church duty :( I stay at home no matter who gets sick and sometimes it feels like it goes on forever!
I cannot wait for the cold & flu season to end. Joshua catches everything it seems! Understandable due to his medical past, his immune system will always be weaker than what it could be because his body is giving all it has to making blood, and I can't complain about that.
A few days ago we had an unfortunate inaccurate blood draw that aged me about 10 years in a day. The doctor sent Joshua to the Children's hospital immediately and we thought for sure he'd be getting a transfusion and who knows what else. His trip to the hospital proved the blood reading to be inaccurate , but was surely a blessing because it was there that the ER doc sent for chest x-rays and they discovered that the reason he wasn't recovering from the last virus he had was because he'd developed pneumonia. I'm pretty sure he thought that I was going to squeeze him to death when he finally got home that night after a day at the hospital.
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| Joshua's Medicine Chart...he's taking just a few things right now :) |
Of course the hemoglobin had all of those terrible memories flooding back to me. And I'm not sure I've ever cried as hard as I did last Friday. A couple of thoughts though, that went through my mind that day I think are worth sharing.
At the terrifying thought that there could have been something seriously wrong with Joshua's blood again there were a few places where I found peace. The first was in knowing that I am not Sovereign, but God is. Jonas and I were sitting at home most of the day waiting for the phone to ring with any news while Joshua and Luke were having a myriad of medical staff tend to them. I spent alot of that time worrying, then praying, then beginning to worry again, counteracting it with prayer again and a couple of times just really bullying myself. "I should have known something was wrong." & "I'm not a good enough mother." Are just a couple of the things I told myself. Nevermind that the previous day Joshua had been racing around at the park and acting completely not sick. I still punched myself in the stomach with the accusation that I should have known something was wrong. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight sitting and silently praying for God to give me the strength to hear whatever the news would be, good or bad, that it hit me like some kind of spiritual semi-truck. God knew this was going to happen, I didn't. God knows what the outcome will be, I don't have to. I love Joshua, God loves him even more. God is sovereign over all things, I'm not....and that's a good thing. It was then I was finally able to quit beating myself up and realize that whatever happened, God was in control and I couldn't ask for anything more than that.
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| Joshua playing at the park the day before his hospital trip-clearly acting like he wasn't sick at all! |
The other peaceful moment I had was in thinking about the almost 5 years of Joshua's life so far. I remembered when he went through a phase and every morning he'd wake up singing a song. I remembered the first time he met Lambie, how he cuddled him that first naptime like he'd never cuddled any other stuffed animal and I knew that Lambie would be "the one". I remembered the time that my dad took Joshua to Runnings and asked him what toy he wanted, Joshua told him all of them. I thought of our family vacations to Omaha and all the fun little trips we take together. I remembered everything. I thought how blessed am I to have gotten to spend almost every minute of Joshua's entire life with him. If something awful were to happen to our family I know that I wouldn't have any regrets about how we've spent our time. If you've ever seen my facebook I'm sure you know that we do almost everything together. Some families may not have the same opportunities that we do, but I am surely thankful for the way we are able to spend our time.
I won't forget the relief I felt when Luke called later that night and said they re-drew a blood sample ran it and Joshua could come home without a transfusion. Praise God! On a side note: a transfusion can be a tricky thing for a person that doesn't make blood in a normal amount or process because that person's body will use transfused blood quicker than their own and their body will stop making their own blood after a transfusion because it feels like it has the blood it already needs. This can help an anemic person but also cause a chain of other events to occur, so it can become complicated. All I know is God answered our prayers.
My last thought is that I hope the next time I blog I can start with the sentence "None of us have been sick for weeks." Here's hoping!
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