My husband and I are approaching our fourth wedding anniversary. Now I realize how tiny this milestone really is in comparison to other couples like my parents who just celebrated their 40th, yet there is something about this anniversary that feels different than the others. This last year I have felt our marriage leaving the "Honeymoon" stage. We've become extremely comfortable in our marriage. We don't work quite so hard to impress each other anymore. Most of the time I love this feeling of truly being ourselves. I know that if I'm too tired in the morning to put on any makeup my husband doesn't really care. He knows that even if his bath towel doesn't make it to the clothes hamper, but instead hangs off of the closet door that I accept him for who he is. However, there is some part of me that has watched one too many romantic comedies. I've seen one too many chick flicks where the guy wrote the girl a love song, a poem, he showed up everyday with roses, or sent her 100 roses, and he looks into her eyes and you just know that even after 4 years of marriage he'd still be sweepin' her off her feet.
One of the jokes I often make to my husband is about that Country song by Craig Morgan. The lyrics give all sorts of examples of romantic situations and the chorus always ends with "if you like that, you're gonna love forever." It isn't supposed to be a funny song, but I have a hard time making it through all the verses with a straight face. I just have a hard time believing that a man is going to do all the things listed in the song and do them FOREVER. I actually think that the song would be more honest if the words went something like this : if you like drifting off to soft pillow talk and waking up together, girl if you like that you're gonna love the first year of our marriage. Not as catchy I know, but maybe more honest.
Is a marriage just supposed to be all romance? If your husband hasn't bought you flowers, or written you a song, or taken you out for a fancy date recently does that mean that the "magic" has gone out of your marriage? I admit that there are times when I have been sucked into this "Sleepless in Seattle" way of thinking. The truth however is that no matter how many romantic comedies become blockbusters, romance is not the true definition of love.
My husband preached a sermon once where he compared Hollywood's idea of love to God's idea of love. When Hollywood wants to show us love they point to the bedroom, but when God wanted to demonstrate His love for us he pointed to the cross. He sacrificed His Son. John 3:16, one of the most well known verses in the Bible says "for God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son." What does this say about love? First of all it says that the best love story ever written was written for us, and second it says that love is about sacrifice.
When I take a step back from all of the romantic propaganda that I'm flooded with everyday and really look to the heart of my marriage I know that it is grounded in the deepest and truest kind of love, a love that cannot be shaken by time, a love that rooted in God's love for us. Maybe romance does fade, but what is romance? A feeling, a song, a beautiful bouquet, those are all things that are nice for a time but they aren't love.
Maybe we have left the "Honeymoon" part of our marriage. I now scour the house for little love notes that say more than "cats need food" or "out of shampoo", but if I had to give the new phase of our marriage a title I think I would call it "Love Never Fails".
Wow, three blog posts in less than a week. You are hard core...and your tackling meaty subjects. I remember watching my folks "fall back in love" once all of us kids were out of the house. Honestly, they probably never fell out of love, but it was cool to watch them show their affection to each other more once the kids were gone. Mom would scootch over in the car seat next to Dad when they were heading downtown to "roll up the sidewalks" at the end of another day. And they were always holding hands. Still, marriage and love are magical bonds that grow stronger with each passing year...and it's hard to find ways to measure. I don't think its a song or a poem or even flowers. It's just two people who have the heart and soul of one.
ReplyDeleteI was pointed to your blog from Steve Van Dyke. I am a PK and serve in ministry at the church that Steve attends. Thank you for sharing this snapshot of a Christ-centered marriage. As I try to steer my teenage girls from the ideas of romance as being flower, looks and romance, I often think that the best testament of marriage is the couple that has 60 years under their belts and still hold hands while they pray. As a single girl who is searching from Mr. Right, this is my dream. To have a mate that puts God first and encourages me to do the same.
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