Laptop Broke, Hearts Full, & His plan not ours

It has been FOREVER since I have written!! Our laptop has been out of commission for quite sometime now and I do love our Ipad, but not for things like blogging. Today however I have made the exception and am going to attempt to write this from the ipad since I'm thinking we may never get the laptop back to its old self.

Our lives and hearts have been so full for the last too many months to count that I am not even sure sure I could give a full recap of what's been going on with us. So this will be aimed toward just a summer update for now :)

Joshua finished up Preschool at the end of May and is now enrolled in a Summer Learning program at his school. He goes most Wednesdays from 9-3 which honestly has been a huge reality to me-Joshua is growing up (sob sob). I miss him so much when he's gone and so does Jonas, we mostly mope around and just snuggle until Joshua gets home at 3....who knew Joshua was the life of our party!?!?! He has been loving the summer school activities however, and doesn't miss us at all. He loves eating his lunch with his friends and they play and do tons of cool stuff. Last week he got to walk to a huge park with them, slip and slide, read stories inside of tents, and pretend to roast marshmallows by a fire.

We were planning on being on vacation this week but as is usually the case - plans had to change. Most everyone who has ever spent any time with us knows that Joshua has always had a reoccurring cough and cold that seems to pop up about once a month. We've known for a while that his adenoids were the main cause of this issue but had been told that he was not a candidate for the surgery to remove them because he had a previous cleft pallet surgery that could be compromised during the procedure. The Lord really answered our prayers and provided us with a Doctor here that is on the cleft pallet team and can do the surgery that Joshua needs!!!! We did however need to cancel our vacation plans, and have sadly decided that the fun Trip to Utah/Idaho that we'd been planning we need to wait until the fall for us to afford it.

Lucky for us though, living in Colorado we live like we are permanently on vacation. We have been to at least a half dozen Rockies games recently and just Sunday took the boys with us for a Fathers Day adventure. Josh & Joe LOVED the game and have been pretending to play Rockies baseball in the backyard ever since. It is so exciting to find something that your whole family likes and can enjoy together. We have decided to take a much shorter and closer-to-home vacation in a few weeks once Joshua has recovered from his surgery, but stay close to home incase he needs any unexpected followup. Colorado Springs is home to a Minor League team that is one of the Rockies Farm teams and is conveniently located just over an hour from home :) the Boys are already excited to go that game, which is good because they weren't thrilled to be missing seeing Uncle Rich and Aunt Sue when I told them about the change in plans.

                                      

I can honestly say that God has blessed us SOOO abundantly that it's hard to realistically be to rattled over a change in plans that are ultimately a part of His plan.

Post-Traumatic-Pinterest-Disorder

I had read several status updates/rants/blogs written by disgruntled mothers who are feeling the "Pinterest Pressure" to do it all. It's kind of interesting to me as a Stay-at-Home mom and avid Pinterest user to see what all these ladies are saying. Bottom lining it for you, they are women who feel like they have to be a : Breastfeeding, clothdiapering, organic babyfood feeding, homeschooling, crafting, diy-ing, health nut, workout obsessed woman in order to be thought of as "worthwhile".

I am very few of the above mentioned list. I have never enjoyed exercise (gasp). Even when I use to work out everyday I never truly enjoyed it. I suffered a terrible abdominal wall injury from actually working out too strenuously and even after years of physical therapy the pain flares up unbearably when I begin exercising regularly other than yoga, walking and other mild & barely strenuous activities.

The one thing that I can say I have "worked out" in my life is finding my identity in Christ and what he values and deems worthwhile. I have worked very hard in my life to be completely satisfied with what God thinks of me and not the world, and it is hard work. Not that long ago I had to "unfriend" a friend on facebook because her obsession with her own body was invading my life. She was constantly (and probably still is for all I know) posting pictures of her half naked, completely toned, post baby body. I just don't need to see all of that, or feel like I need to measure up to it. I have never been or will be a size 0 (or 2, or 3, or 4.....the list could go on :)

My oldest son is turning 5 in a few weeks and the part of his party that I am the most excited for is NOT making the cake. That's right, contrary to what all the pictures on Pinterest tell me about making his birthday party perfect, I am not making him a homemade Spider-man cake. It has nearly killed me in the past to come up with some extravagant cake idea and this year I have already decided to buy one instead. When I told Luke he actually put his hands on my shoulders and said, "I am so relieved." He knows how seriously moms take these parties and he was thrilled that instead of putting my worth into how the cake turns out, I will this year be enjoying my sons birthday that much more. I am only doing the things that I want to do and love to do. I am making him a present, I put together hero capes for the party goody bags and I'm sure I'll decorate the house crazily, but because I want to.

If you have to- turn off the computer, unsubscribe from pinterest or unfriend the friend who is not doing your self confidence any favors, do it. God does not care how many homemade DIY items appear at my sons birthday party, or in my day to day life. He came so that I can have life and have it to the fullest, not to chain me to what the world deems valuable. I am very thankful that when I get to heaven God will not ask me how many cloth diapers I changed :) because the answer is 0. God didn't create us all to be the same and I am thankful for that.

I love Pinterest, but I don't find my self-worth in it, that belongs to Christ.

Party like it's 1999

My husband loves the '90's. If he could still do, say and wear everything that he did in the 90's and be found socially acceptable, he would. He still listens to 90's Christian rock music...on Cd. He still references 90's pop-culture, he says things like 'Word' (he has a 90's catch phrase for anything) and it was just last year that I finally convinced him to throw out his Doc Marten sandals circa 1995 :)

So it should really come as no surprise to anyone that knows him that for his birthday he really wanted to go to a video store. We hadn't been to a video store since 2008 when we moved from Rapid City. Of course Rapid still has our favorite Mr. Movies up and running and I cry a little everytime I'm home for a visit because nothing says your home like 99 cent movie Monday, but most video stores are obsolete these days. We've been with Netflix since 2009 and we of course order a few things OnDemand from our cable provider, in a pinch I've also frequented the Redbox, but no where have I really seen a good old fashioned video store.

A little google-ing from a guy that just can't let go of the 90's resulted in Luke finding a real Blockbuster just a couple miles from us. The best part of the day however was listening to Luke explain to Joshua (who has no idea what a 'video' even is) what a video store is. I of course stepped in with "It's a movie store, they let you check out movies there." Lucky for us Joshua can get excited about anything so he went with it jumping up and down saying let's go!

The drive there was filled with Luke making comments like, "I can't wait to see all the movies lined up on the walls, oh and the snacks, they always have lots of snacks." I mostly just nodded :) It was everything he'd hopped that it would be and more! The smell was the same as he'd remembered it, they were playing a movie in the background, and the best part was he could share it with his sons.

That night after the kids were in bed Luke thanked me for humoring him and going along with the "video store" birthday adventure. Honestly it's turned out to be kinda great! The boys love going there and I've been able to use it as a reward for them already so it's kinda been a little gift for me too. It's so crazy when something so small can bring you a smile and some joy. It's also pretty great when your 4 year old says, "I really enjoyed that video."

An un-tainted love for Valentines Day

I have always loved Valentines Day. It's just so beautiful with red and pink little hearts everywhere. Glue and glitter and of course CANDY!

I'm Valentines Day survivor. I survived YEARS of never receiving a valentine from a boy other than my father. I survived crowded high school hallways packed with girls carrying giant bouquets, teddy bears, and balloons.I survived never once being asked to a Valentine's day dance, and believe it or not the first time I ever had a date for Valentines Day was the year I got married 4 days before our wedding day. I survived it all and came out still loving Valentines day like a kid.

Of course I kept my head down in the halls those high school years. I pretended I didn't see everyone holding hands. I sat at home reading my Valentines from my parents and going out to eat with good 'ol mom and dad instead of going out for a romantic meal and to the school dance. At thirty years old I can honestly say "Who Cares!"

I have one of those great moms who says all the "mom lines" and of course she use to say to me, "that boy not liking you just means that the boy you're going to end up with is even better." Man, did I ever hate it when she'd say that, and of course I'd always say something back like, "but I don't want someone better, I want that boy." :) Mature huh? Of course my mother who is always right....was right.

I have a TON of young facebook friends and always around Valentines Day I see these super sad status updates that read something like - "Happy National Singles awareness Day." or the classics, " I didn't get a Valentine" and "I wish I had a boyfriend (or girlfriend whichever the case may be)." If I had one piece of advice to those people it's this: Don't let it ruin Valentines Day for you, Someday you'll have exactly what you always wanted, or maybe even something that you never knew you wanted, but don't let it get you down. Read those valentines from your parents and cherish them. Trust that Love is something greater than one day a year and when it finds you you'll have it all year and Valentine's day will just be cherry on top of the sundae you already have.

Today me the kiddos worked on making Valentines to send out to our family and friends. We sprinkled glitter, the boys painted, and we laughed. I'm so glad that I never let anything ruin Valentines Day for me. I can honestly say the only regret I have is that I didn't always appreciate the corny Valentines from my Dad. My mom of course still sends me one every year, but after all those years that I thought gee thanks the only one I'll get from a boy, my dad's card is now the only card missing.

Ending up with my Husband - totally worth never having a Valentines date :)

Another Cold & Flu Season

I haven't blogged in what seems like ages! Right after a huge break due to my camera break down, our laptop also had several issues arise. Now up and running again (thanks to a miracle working friend) I think I'm ready to be once again committed to writing at least monthly.

It seems the last month and a half has had someone in our family sick about every other week. Whether it has been a stomach bug that hit everyone but Luke, Influenza that knocked everyone down but me, or the Pneumonia that had Joshua in the hospital. It's been a rough go around here. My least favorite part about sickness is missing church. We have such an awesome church family, one where you feel like everyone is really is family and you miss them when you don't get to see them. As the wife of a Pastor I always end up with stay home from church duty :(  I stay at home no matter who gets sick and sometimes it feels like it goes on forever!

I cannot wait for the cold & flu season to end. Joshua catches everything it seems! Understandable due to his medical past, his immune system will always be weaker than what it could be because his body is giving all it has to making blood, and I can't complain about that.

A few days ago we had an unfortunate inaccurate blood draw that aged me about 10 years in a day. The doctor sent Joshua to the Children's hospital immediately and we thought for sure he'd be getting a transfusion and who knows what else. His trip to the hospital proved the blood reading to be inaccurate , but was surely a blessing because it was there that the ER doc sent for chest x-rays and they discovered that the reason he wasn't recovering from the last virus he had was because he'd developed pneumonia. I'm pretty sure he thought that I was going to squeeze him to death when he finally got home that night after a day at the hospital.

Joshua's Medicine Chart...he's taking just a few things right now :)

Of course the hemoglobin had all of those terrible memories flooding back to me. And I'm not sure I've ever cried as hard as I did last Friday. A couple of thoughts though, that went through my mind that day I think are worth sharing.

At the terrifying thought that there could have been something seriously wrong with Joshua's blood again there were a few places where I found peace. The first was in knowing that I am not Sovereign, but God is. Jonas and I were sitting at home most of the day waiting for the phone to ring with any news while Joshua and Luke were having a myriad of medical staff tend to them. I spent alot of that time worrying, then praying, then beginning to worry again, counteracting it with prayer again and a couple of times just really bullying myself. "I should have known something was wrong." & "I'm not a good enough mother." Are just a couple of the things I told myself. Nevermind that the previous day Joshua had been racing around at the park and acting completely not sick. I still punched myself in the stomach with the accusation that I should have known something was wrong. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight sitting and silently praying for God to give me the strength to hear whatever the news would be, good or bad, that it hit me like some kind of spiritual semi-truck. God knew this was going to happen, I didn't. God knows what the outcome will be, I don't have to. I love Joshua, God loves him even more. God is sovereign over all things, I'm not....and that's a good thing.  It was then I was finally able to quit beating myself up and realize that whatever happened, God was in control and I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

Joshua playing at the park the day before his hospital trip-clearly acting like he wasn't sick at all!

The other peaceful moment I had was in thinking about the almost 5 years of Joshua's life so far. I remembered when he went through a phase and every morning he'd wake up singing a song. I remembered the first time he met Lambie, how he cuddled him that first naptime like he'd never cuddled any other stuffed animal and I knew that Lambie would be "the one". I remembered the time that my dad took Joshua to Runnings and asked him what toy he wanted, Joshua told him all of them. I thought of our family vacations to Omaha and all the fun little trips we take together. I remembered everything. I thought how blessed am I to have gotten to spend almost every minute of Joshua's entire life with him. If something awful were to happen to our family I know that I wouldn't have any regrets about how we've spent our time. If you've ever seen my facebook I'm sure you know that we do almost everything together. Some families may not have the same opportunities that we do, but I am surely thankful for the way we are able to spend our time.

I won't forget the relief I felt when Luke called later that night and said they re-drew a blood sample ran it and Joshua could come home without a transfusion. Praise God! On a side note: a transfusion can be a tricky thing for a person that doesn't make blood in a normal amount or process because that person's body will use transfused blood quicker than their own and their body will stop making their own blood after a transfusion because it feels like it has the blood it already needs. This can help an anemic person but also cause a chain of other events to occur, so it can become complicated. All I know is God answered our prayers.

My last thought is that I hope the next time I blog I can start with the sentence "None of us have been sick for weeks." Here's hoping!

Time for Love & Time for Cheer

This year's Christmas was one of my favorites. The boys are at such fun ages, and their excitement is contagious. We are very spoiled and dare I say got everything we wanted for Christmas.

Joe's favorite gift was his ride-on Thomas the Train. I could barely get him off of it the entire day, and he guards it constantly making sure that his brother knows whose it is.

Joshua's favorite gift was his Dreamlite. He'd been asking for one non-stop and even though I was worried that once he got one he'd change his mind, he really loves it.

I'm pretty sure that Luke's favorite gift was the Ipad my brother got us, but the set of Theologian Coasters that I made him for his office were a huge hit as well. He's been wanting a set of coasters for a while, but after looking at a few sets I didn't really see any that I thought he'd like. I remembered seeing a tutorial for homemade coasters on pinterest a while back and even though I hadn't pinned it, I did remember reading through the instructions and thought that I could pull it off. He loves them so much he has actually  requested that I make a few more for his birthday.

It's hard to say what gift was my favorite since I really loved everything I got. I of course love the camera that my mom got me, but the gifts from my husband were all very thoughtful. Topping the list of most thoughtful gifts was the Clarinet he gave me. I already owned it, but it was a mess. I hadn't even looked at it in a few years. It needed new pads, and some pieces were broken off, cork was missing, and the metal was kinda gross from age. The clarinet had originally been purchased by my father about 12 or so years ago. It is an antique, wooden, Normandy clarinet. I played for years and years on a cheapo plastic clarinet, but my dad always wanted me to have a really nice one. I remember how excited he was the day he brought it home, he was proud of his purchase and even though it wasn't anywhere near playing condition, he told me he'd have it restored someday. As you know my dad passed away 2 years ago, and he'd never gotten around to getting the clarinet up and running. When Luke brought out the case on Christmas morning I just looked at him confused and thought, "does he think that this was lost and he found it?" I was shocked when he told me to open it. Having it in working condition was a dream I thought would never come to fruition. I held it and sobbed thinking how much my dad would have cried if he knew that I'd get to play it. I know it would have made him so happy. It made me happy. I've already been playing lots and hope to do a few specials here and there at the church (after more brushing up of course).

Luke took a few days off from work after Christmas and we've been enjoying the family time together. I've been thinking a lot this week about what a great family I have. Once I was old enough to have a boyfriend, my Grandma use to always say to me, "find a good husband, and you'll be happy in life." She'd tell me every visit and on the phone too, "You find a good man like I did, when I found your grandpa, it'll make all the difference." My husband never met my grandmother, she passed away just shortly after we were married and she hadn't been well for a while before that, but the last time that my mother went to visit her I told my mom, "you tell Grandma that I found a good man, I found one just like grandpa, just like she said to. Don't forget, tell her I found a good one." When my mom came back she told me she'd relayed the message, when I asked what grandma had said, my mom said, "well she was very sick sweetie, but she knew, and she smiled...she knows."

My grandmother could not have been more right about finding a good husband. I think back on her words often when I'm with my 3 boys and we're laughing and having a good time together. "You'll be happy, and it'll make all the difference." Luke has his faults.....which I won't mention here :) but he is a very good man. He loves the Lord and he loves his family. This year one of my most favorite things about our Christmas was just our family being together, being happy. God has given our family so much this, because He gave us eachother.

Holiday Happenings

My blog has been pretty much non-existent since my camera broke at the beginning of November. Luckily my mother came to my rescue and got me a new one for Christmas!! It's fancy, and yes, I know it should be under the tree still , but she lives hours away and even though I'm sure she rolled her eyes when I told her that I was already using it, she's knows I've been opening my gifts before it was time since I was old enough to walk. She tells this horrific story about buying me shoes one year for Christmas. The gist of it is this : I opened them one morning, wore them to school, re-wrapped them. She'd lead you to believe she was forever scarred as a parent, but don't let her fool you, she finds it funny :)

I've been reading a few other blogs lately about holiday traditions. One holiday tradition that is among my top 5 easily is the Christmas Card. I LOVE sending and receiving Christmas cards. Even if I have read every post the person had on Facebook all year, I still cannot wait to read their letter! I'm like a kid in the candy store when the cards begin arriving. You can ask my husband, he thinks I'm crazy!! I will hold up the unopened envelopes and with sheer excitement say things like, "I can't wait to see their picture!" or maybe, "what do you think made the letter this year?" I love addressing them, I love placing the giant stack into the mailbox on December 1st (also a tradition of mine) and I especially love the day that you get the mail and it is ALL Christmas cards!!! It's one of my favorite days of the year usually around the 22nd and it is a day I smile all afternoon. I'm an old fashioned card nerd, it's okay I accept it!

Our entire Church is focusing on the Advent Season this year and anticipation of- as well as preparation for the Christ Child's arrival. I love advent at church and as Luke has been preaching about what true anticipation means I have seen it this year in my own home. I had forgotten what pure anticipation really looks like until I saw my little Joshua's excitement beginning to build. My heart overflows with joy as I watch his eyes light up every morning when he glimpses the tree lit in the living room. The other day he asked me , "Is Christmas coming to Colorado yet?" Almost, I told him about a week and a half still. I could see him trying to contain the excitement and think about something else, but inevitably he circled around the tree and curled up on the couch just starring at the lights, waiting for Christmas. The Lord uses my kids to open my eyes to so many things and this very instance is one of those times. What are the things that I can't get out of my head this Christmas season? The bills that need paying, the baking that should get done, the gifts that need wrapping, or is it the Birth of our Savior! I know what I want it to be.

We let the kids help decorate the tree for the first time ever this year. It was exciting, overwhelming, fun, and stressful all wrapped into one 30 min decoration session! As heirloom ornaments whizzed by and I told myself "if they break they are just things." I honestly loved seeing my kids looking at each ornament and placing it (sometimes) lovingly on the tree. The clear favorite this year is the Charlie Brown ornament. The boys are Charlie Brown Crazy this season. I think that I got the ornament in a bag of candy a few years back and just never threw it away. So glad now that I didn't actually throw it away because it has been truly loved this year. My current favorite is a set of red, glass, candle ornaments that clip onto the branches. For years growing up my parents had a "candle tree" we had real candles that looked almost identical to these glass ones. My dad would light the candles on Christmas eve while we played games and opened presents and then again on Christmas morning while ate our big Christmas meal. Even though these candles aren't real, they remind me of home.

This morning we worked hard on the kids' Christmas t-shirts, which is becoming a little bit of a tradition I guess. Last year the boys made reindeer shirts and this year it's wreaths!!!! They turned out super cute I think and of course the kids love them.

Lastly Joshua was really wanting me to take a picture of him being a "sickie" he is actually feeling much better but loves to draw out the attention for as long as he can. He successfully made a little "sick bed" for himself on the couch and is happily watching  A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.