Bittersweet, what's the point of that?

One week to go! Lots done and still lots to do. The best news is that we managed to get most of our checking account money back, and the rest has been temporarily replaced by wellsfargo pending their fraud investigation. In other words we were finally able to buy milk, trash bags and other much needed supplies :) Praise the Lord, I know that situation could have been much worse.

Packing is going well and the Moving truck is coming is a just a couple of days. The reality of the move will set in soon as we begin to empty our current home until it is no longer ours. Every morning Joshua asks how many days until we live in Colorado. He has become overly enthusiastic about the change and consistently talks about his new home. I'm so relieved that he is happy about the changes and not sadly dragging his feet. Jonas of course would be thrilled even if you told him were going to live in a tent somewhere, he is one of the most easy going kids I've ever met (a blessing for sure).

Today is Luke's last Sunday preaching at MBC, he is baptizing one of our dear friends this morning. When she asked to be baptized Luke was thrilled, "I can't imagine a better way to wrap up my ministry here". This last week has been a mixture of feelings for us. Bittersweet for sure, although I'm reminded of a quote from The Office when Michael says: "That's why I hate bittersweet chocolate. I don't even... what's the point of that? Why not just sweet? Who are you helping?"

So glad that in just over a week we will be past all the sad goodbyes and stressful packing and on to the fresh starts, new friendships & excited unpacking!

Disaster, murphy's law, or whatever you want to call it.

Chaos, utter chaos is what has become of our lives. Several people have been wondering how preparations for the move have been coming. Let me open with this vignette: Monday morning we were shopping at walmart when Luke's check card was denied several times. Impossible! I gasped since we have overdraft upon overdraft protection even if we were out of money the transaction should have been processed, not to mention that I had checked our account online before heading out and saw we had plenty to draw from. Thanks to modern technology I just logged on wellsfargo.com on my phone and found our funds depleted by fraudulent activity. Luke's card had already been deactivated due to the bank suspecting fraud. Needless to say this has been a very stressful week of dealing with phone calls, disputes and of course no money.

Yesterday was Luke's birthday and yes we did manage to have some sort of celebration. Luckily I work in advance on things and had already bought Luke's present, we ventured out for dinner at our favorite Mexican place and came home to out favorite Babysitter Morgan saying that we didn't owe her anything. That girl is such a blessing to our family not to mention the object of a 4 year olds crush. She will truly be missed by our family.

We are a little in limbo until the bank reimburses our funds so work on the pirate room has yielded for a bit. I did manage to purchase Joshua's bedding before all of this happened and it arrived today in the mail. Very cute and he caught just a glimpse of it when I had it out to match paint samples to, and he gave his enthusiastic approval. I also started work on a shelving unit that will hang in his new room and hold things like medications, Cds and other small items he frequently needs.

Bedding & Paint Samples

Shelf about half done

Our life is not without God's blessing though, just yesterday an anonymous person blessed us immensely knowing that we were in a financial situation and really helped us beyond what they know. 

We have been boxing things up and the moving truck will arrive a week from today! Hopefully by the next time I blog our bank account will have been resuscitated.  

New adventure...and a Pirate Room

We're Moving!!! I'm not a huge fan of change, but I am getting excited for our upcoming move. When Luke and I first entertained the idea of packing up our family and heading to new opportunities (after MUCH PRAYER!) both of us had the same concern....Our oldest son. Joshua much like myself doesn't function as well outside of routine and known outcomes. Luke and I brainstormed and we decided that if turned out that God's plan lead us to a move we would be sure to entice Joshua's excitment as much as possible. My first idea for this was to come up with a plan for a superhero bedroom. I thought that I would compile photos of possible super hero decor and show them to him. Well my idea worked!......sort of.



We approached Joshua asking him what he would think of getting a new house, and new bedroom. Things seemed to being going pretty smoothly and he seemed to be understanding there would be packing involved and a long drive and then I proposed the superhero bedroom idea. "how would you like your new bedroom to be a superhero room?" Tada, I thought, but he just looked at me solemn faced for a moment, then came back at me with an unexpected counter offer. His eyes were wide and excited as he announced it, "a pirate room mommy." Like any good negotiator I quit while I was ahead. "It's a deal."

Bag of soon to be pirate room decor

Well since I'd only researched hero decor it took me a few days and a lot of Google-ing to come up with some possible pirate room ideas. Believe it or not there are not that many great 'little kid' pirate room ideas out there, I have had to really stretch my creativity but I think that I am finally on the right track for designing something that I think Joshua will love. As we pack, move, unpack and decorate I know our families will be wondering what we are accomplishing so I plan to update this blog with our status periodically.

the finished banner for Joshua's new room

So far we have about 15 or 16 boxes packed up and have been hard at work throwing things away, and getting somethings ready to donate in hopes of downsizing some. I made the trek to Sioux Falls a day or so ago and got some pretty crazy looks when I asked for advice on what fabrics looked the most Pirate-y. But I have been able to round up some supplies that I think are finally starting to come together nicely for the much anticipated Pirate room. Even though Joshua asks repeatedly when he will be getting his pirate room, for now Luke and I are just glad that he seems excited to be moving and has yet to show any nerves about it.

Next Blog I'll hopefully have the curtains done!

A new ministry adventure is just beginning for us all!

The Hope of Christmas All Year Long

I've been contemplating putting the rest of our Christmas decorations away. We took our tree down last week already, and as a rule I usually pack up the rest after New Years day. It seems though that every year I get a little slower about tending to the task. I can remember my dad leaving our live Christmas tree up sometimes until my brother's birthday (Jan 10) and thinking how ridiculous it was. Now I think I can relate to the delay. Every year I feel less and less like undecorating.

 While I was postponing my housework which today includes the packing up the Nativity, Christmas Village, and boughs of greenery I wondered about my sluggish attitude concerning the whole thing. I love Christmas. I love Everything about it. I love the cold air and snow, the bright lights, the tree, the presents, the warm glow of holiday spirit that exudes from every home as you drive down the streets at Christmas time. More than anything though, I love the feeling of hope. Christ was born. He was and still is our only hope. I came today to the conclusion that the one thing that fills me with the most joy at Christmas IS the one thing that I can have all year. The hope that I find in having a Savior. I don't know why it is so much easier to feel it at Christmas. Is Christ's presence in my life greater from November 24th until December 25th? Of course not. As a result my feeling of hope shouldn't fade after January 1st.

While I'm boxing up my wreaths and un-tying my ribbons today I feel as happy as the day I hung them up. Christ is in my life. He is my center and my guide, and it is because of Him that my life is as beautiful on Presidents Day as it is on Christmas Day. I desire to carry the Hope I feel at Christmas with my everyday, because I can carry Christ with me everyday.

Christmas Memories

I think that we all to some extent imagine our Christmas celebrations a certain way, have expectations, and compare the current to past Christmas experiences. I know that I for sure do. I love everything about Christmas - the lights, the anticipation, the shopping, the baking, the music and most of all the reason for everything- the Birth of our Savior!  In preparing for this years Christmas I thought back on a few Christmases that have come and gone and in my mind I compiled a short list of what I consider my best Christmas memories. Here they are:

This year- no snow on Christmas

#5 Our first Christmas as a Married Couple
 Luke and I went WAY overboard and opened presents just from each other for literally hours. It was insane and completely extravagant, but a nice memory.



Joshua's 1st Christmas

 #4 Joshua's first Christmas
 After and months of praying that Joshua would live, that God would heal him and that we wouldn't spend our Christmas in the hospital watching Joshua receive yet another transfusion, we had one of the most joy filled Christmases. Not only did we praise God for sending Jesus to come and save us from our sins and death, but we praised Him whole heartedly for being a god of mercy, faithfulness and a God that answers prayers. I can't remember one gift I got that year, I already had everything I needed.



#3 There was a Christmas when I was 7 years old
that will live on in my memory for as long as my memory remains intact. That year was just a regular old family Christmas. We opened gifts, played with our new toys, and ate snacks.When I thought that it was time to head for bed my dad went outside, and when he returned he was carrying a huge sack filled with more and more toys and treats for me and my brother. I can remember the how shocked and surprised I was. I couldn't imagine what the contents of the bag could be since I had already received all that I asked for and then some. He pulled out gift after gift. I only remember  few of them: Toss Across & a kids Pinball machine. It wasn't the gifts that make this memory so magical though, it's my dad. I remember the look on his face like it was yesterday. His smile was one of the biggest I'd ever seen on him. I saw the true joy of giving, which later as I'd become an adult I learned was a key component of my father's character. He just loved giving.

#2 The Christmas that Luke and I were engaged
was a stressful one to say the least. We were planning a wedding and wondering how we were going to meld two lives into one. One of the days that preceded Christmas was a particularly stressful one for me filled with wedding preparation kinks as well as teaching and getting grades ready for the end of the semester. Luke had called me early that afternoon to set up a date for the night- a usual practice. It became quite unusual though when he told me he would be by to pick me up around midnight. I cannot completely remember my response, but I can only imagine it being less than excited since I knew I would have to wake up early and teach the next day. He told me I should go to bed early, set the alarm, he'd by around midnight to pick me up for a surprise. When I walked out of my apartment and into the cold brisk air, and trudged through the snow to Luke's pickup I was extremely sleepy from my short "nap". We only drove about 2 blocks and he stopped the car at his house. I was definitely awake at this point since we never hung out at his house, but went along with the plan. The house was completely dark which was no surprise since he had already informed me he had no intention of putting up a single Christmas decoration since next year we'd be married and we could decorate together then. We approached the house and Luke opened the door, leaned into the entry way and flipped on the light switch. The room came alive, filled with Christmas lights, greenery, and a tree. He turned on the stereo and I heard Dean Martin crooning Christmas songs. The tree caught my attention from across the room. The decorations were familiar. Luke had called my parents and asked if they would be willing to part with a few ornaments, ones that still to this day we place on our tree and hold special childhood memories for me. I loved it. "This isn't the best part", he informed me. He turned on the TV and just beginning was an episode of one of our favorite shows Mad About You. It was the episode where Jaimie is freaking out over all of her wedding plans. It was perfect. The only thing was that they were only showing the episode at midnight.



#1 The last Christmas I spent with my dad


Dec. 26th 2009



 There was a huge snow storm right before Christmas and the interstate was closed down all over the state Christmas eve. I called my parents house to see what their weather was like. I was so sad. My dad said we shouldn't try to come even if they opened the roads in time. When I got off the phone I told Luke, "we're going if they open the interstate." He sighed and said, "I know, you won't miss Christmas with your parents." They didn't open the roads until the 26th but it was perfect because the 26th of December had always been a favorite day of my dad's. He called it Second  Christmas Day and has since I was a child celebrated it as though it were really it's own holiday. I called them once we were on the road and let them know we were on our way. My dad was ecstatic. There was nothing my dad loved more than having family home. He had told me he saved everything for me, the Christmas meal, the present opening, everything. I don't remember every detail of the visit since I had no idea it'd be our last Christmas together. However, he said one thing that I'll cherish forever. When I got to my parents house and greeted everyone, my dad hugged me super tight and said to me, "I knew you'd come, even when I told you not to. I knew you'd come, because you always come home. You know how much it means to me." I am so thankful that we spent that Second Christmas Day with my mom and dad, and I'm so blessed to have had such loving parents. I now strive to be that kind of parent for my own kids.

The Source of our Joy

Jonas is so laid back and low maintenance that Luke and I often find ourselves wondering if he's really our kid. He smiles constantly and is almost always giggling and squealing with joy. His smile is so contagious in fact that not that long ago I found myself telling Luke that God sent us Jonas because He knew I'd need all those smiles to get through the days that would follow my dad's death.

A few short days after my "Gushing about Jonas" session I spent the morning alone with him. Joshua had a doctors appointment and Luke had driven him into Mitchell for it.When they drove away Jonas stood at the door watching and shrieking as though they had forgotten him. I walked over to close the door and reassured him that they would be back for lunch and that he and I would have tons of fun during our morning together. Being the second child Joe and I have rarely been without Joshua for even a few hours so I figured he would revel in the chance to have me all to himself.

Crying, Whining, Pouting, and frowning had evidently been been added to the morning agenda by someone other than myself. I tried everything to get my sunny, happy Jonas back. We played on the floor. We looked at books together. I even gave him an extra snack time, and nothing seemed to work. He must be sick, or teething. Something must be wrong I concluded.

Finally I saw the makings of a smile begin pushing his rosy cheeks back where they belong. He was standing at the window and I crawled over to kiss him and tell him I was glad to see him happy again. As I leaned toward him I heard a car door closing. Luke and Joshua were in the driveway. I turned back to Jonas, but he had already crawled over to the door and was sitting impatiently waiting for it to open. Joshua ran into the room nearly knowing Jonas over. "Hi, Jonas!" He bent down to hug and kiss his brother, and I realized the source of Jonas's joy. Jonas giggled, blew a raspberry toward Joshua and smiled his 2 toothed grin.

In the nine months Jonas has spent with us I'd never noticed it before. All this time I'd been so busy thinking about Jonas and how he made us smile, that it never crossed my mind to wonder what made him smile.

This got me thinking about God as our source of Joy. The minute Joshua was out of the house Jonas failed to be 'himself'. It was as though Joshua had packed up Joe's happiness and taken it with him. What takes our  happiness away? When I have a day where  I just can't seem to put a smile on my face what's the reason. If God is my true source of joy my happiness should never be contingent on my circumstances. Circumstances may change but God never does. When Joshua left Jonas felt abandoned, he stood in front of the door and watched him drive away. The Bible tells us though, that God will never leave us or forsake us. No matter what happens in our lives, through disappointments, death , and tragedy, we are never without Him and His love for us. My happiness should never 'walk out the door' if it is rooted in Christ because He never leaves and neither does His faithfulness. He is always right beside us. Which is exactly where Jonas likes Joshua to be - right beside him.

A Gift or a Curse

The TV show Monk was one of mine and Luke's favorites for as long as it aired. Even now when we happen to catch a rerun we sit down and have a good laugh while Tony Shalub cracks the case in his unique way. If you've never seen the show, the main character Mr. Monk has a unique ability to notice things and uses this "gift" to solve murders. He however, is also plagued by this incredible ability and his sensitivity to everything has made him into a Obsessive Compulsive mess. One of our favorite lines from the show is Monk's response whenever he's asked about his crime solving abilities "it's a gift...and a curse" is always his response.

I took Joshua outside this morning and watched him play in the backyard while Jonas was napping. He rode his tricycle, pretended sticks were rockets, chased a bunny around the yard, and rolled around in his sandbox until entirely covered in damp sand. The air outside had a specific crispness to it. The kind of cool peacefulness that occurs every year around August when the backpacks start making their way to front displays at walmart and kids are excitedly looking at their school supply lists.

 I breathed in that crisp air and remembered the last time I was in school. I was finishing up my elementary education degree. I thought back on it fondly and then remembered the reality of my last semester on campus. Thousands of lessons plans, term papers, power point presentations, and of course the all time consuming professional portfolio were all things that had to be completed before I could move past the "paperwork" portion of my senor year and get to the student teaching. For a brief moment my chest tightened up and I distinctly remembered all the pressure I felt pushing on me.I loved teaching. When our children are grown and in school I intend to go back to the classroom and reignite my passion for education.

But as I sat watching Joshua this morning I felt so amazingly blessed. The opportunity to be a stay at home mom is such a gift. It's not easy, it's exhausting most days, and we make financial sacrifices that most couples our age would cringe at the thought of, but it is so worth it. It's worth wearing last years jeans, not having the fanciest SUV, and sending most of our paycheck to the insurance company.

When I remembered the stresses of school and thought back on the deadlines of lesson plans and parent teacher conferences I felt truly happy, that for what will seem like a brief moment in the years to come,  I had this great opportunity to let watching and guiding my children be my job. I've heard moms on maternity leave say things like "I can't wait to get back to work, I just don't know what to do with my kids all day." Or a mother who worked part time once said to me "When I've had 4 days off in a row I just can't wait to take my kids back to daycare so I don't have to see them all day."

It wasn't easy for me when I first started started staying at home. It was an adjustment for sure to transition from seeing hundreds of people a day to just me and my son, but so worth hanging in there and praying for God to let taking care of my family be the desire of my heart.  I pray sincerely that more mothers would let staying at home with their kids be a gift and not a curse.