Unexpected Performance Review

How will I know that I've been a good mom? How will I know that I'm doing my job right? These are questions that I asked myself when I first had Joshua our oldest son, and began my journey as a stay at home mom. When I was a teacher I based my success on performance reviews, my peers approval, and the success of my students. I have to admit that when I first became a parent I felt like I needed a superior telling me that I was "on the right track" with how I was parenting my little one. In fact, the most difficult part of the transition from working to being at home was the absence of feedback. I would even tell my husband that I felt like a failure because I had no one saying, "hey great job today!" I don't often hear, "Wow, I love the way you folded my clothes mommy."

 I prayed and I thought about how I could measure my success as a mother, how would I know that I was on the right track in raising my sons to become Godly men. After much consideration and hours in prayer I decided that things that are truly important are as follows :

1. Raise my children to know the Lord, to love Him, honor Him, and live their lives according to his will.

2. Raise my children to know they are loved.

 3. Raise my children to think of others, and love others as much as they love themselves.

Now these are in no way the only things I want my children to know, of course reading would be great too :) but these are things that topped my list. This list of 3 is my top priority and when I see these things evolving in my children I know that I am being the mother God has called me to be.

I have just recently begun to see my hard work pay off. Joshua's love for his Sunday School class overwhelms me. He starts asking to go to Sunday school on about Tuesday of every week. He tells me things from his lesson and I see him beginning to develop an understanding of the importance of church
(on a 4 year old level of course!). Even our nightly prayers times are becoming more serious as he realizes what and Who we are talking about.

 I grew up in a home where it was no secret how much my parents loved me. I knew that they would love me no matter what. If I brought home a bad grade, got in trouble for too much talking in class, or stayed out too late, I knew they would love me no matter what. They would surely discipline me, but they would love me mo matter what. I wanted my children to feel that same love, even before I had my own children. I felt so secure as a child knowing that I could never earn or un-earn my parents love. The other night I was getting ready to tuck Joshua in for the night and I was walking him to his room. I looked down at him and said,"do you know what Joshua?" He looked up at me and smiled - he said, "You love me." He was right, that's exactly what I was going to say. That same night when it was finally my bedtime, I told this story to Luke and before I fell asleep I told him, "I think the kids know how much I really love them. It was one of the best feelings in the world.

This morning we were just finishing up breakfast and getting ready to move to the family room where our routine is watching the news while the boys play for a bit and then cartoon time while I get ready for the day. "Let's go, you ready Joe?" Jonas looked at me, shook his head and ran toward his room. I figured he was in search of his blanket and would soon be back out and ready to go. When he came back down the hall however, I was so surprised to see not only is blanket, but Lambie (Joshua's most prized possession.) What happened next though was the biggest surprise of all. Joe headed right over to Joshua, thrust Lambie toward him and said, "here!" Joshua was equally surprised, "thank you Jonas." And then they hugged. I'd begun seeing Joshua looking out for his little brother a while back, but this was the first I'd really seen Joe becoming aware of the needs and wants of others. Another proud mommy moment.

Then just as I was sitting thinking about my kids and how proud of them I am, I realized this list of 3 is what God (Our Father) wants to see from us, and I had one of those moments when you feel like it's all starting to make sense.

 God wants us to Love Him and live according to His will, to know how loved we are by Him, and for us to love others as much as we love ourselves, so it is no wonder He is pleased with us when we accomplish this. And it is no wonder it's the list I established for my own kids after prayer.

My little men are a work in progress, but for today, I feel like I'm on the right track. Thanks to a little unexpected performance review.

Mother's Day Adventure

The boys and I are off on a Mothers Day adventure this weekend! I am so excited to go home and see my mom! Every visit home since my father's death is full of mixed emotions for me though. It no longer feels like Rapid City is my home. There is just something empty about Rapid now. I always thought that long after my parents were gone and I myself was a grandparent Rapid City would be a place that I could go back to and feel whole. After losing just one parent I know that won't be the case. Each day that I live without my father here on earth though, I become even more excited for our reunion in heaven as the phrase, "I am but a stranger here, heaven is my home" continues to take on an even greater meaning for me. Joshua's excitement is beginning to build, and today he has already mentioned the trip 6 times and it's only mid-day. Jonas of course is pretty much up for anything. We are planning our routine trip up dinosaur hill and per my mother's request will also attempt to climb at least a portion of "M" hill with the kiddos.

I am not looking forward to long drive alone with the kids, but this isn't our first outing minus Luke and I'm sure that it will not be our last. We will have lots of snacks (thanks to a dear friend from the church who already prepared a care pkg for us) and I have loaded up on kids Cd's so we can sing along the whole way, and maybe there will even be a nap to help me maintain my sanity :) Even though the hours will pass at a snails pace the drive is always worth it. There are very few things that I get flat out excited for and seeing my mom is one of them for sure!

Can You Draw a Bigger Circle?

I've been reading in Charles Swindoll's book The Mystery of God's Will, and honestly there are so many passages in it that are worth quoting and repeating that all I can say is - read it. So far (I'm only on the 5th chapter) I haven't even read anything that is new information, it is just such a clarification and confirmation of what I already know to be true.

I have had the pleasure of working in different forms of youth ministry for at least 10 years. I love working with kids! I find youth ministry so refreshing because for the most part, kids are honest with you. Even if what they are saying isn't what you want to hear, they are not afraid to tell you. There has been more than one occasion in my life where I've had the chance to really connect with a teenager, tell her about the Lord and all that He's done and whole heartedly expected the person to jump for joy at the opportunity to become a Christian. In those instances though, the opposite has occurred. I have had teens tell me numerous times, "I'm just not ready to be a Christian, maybe later, when I'm older, but for now I'm just having too much fun doing what I want to do." "I don't want to have to figure out what God wants me to do. Things are going just fine for me." Now even though this is disappointing and hard to hear, at least it's the truth. Because how many of us Christians have the exact same attitude but are aren't being honest with even ourselves.

I read in Swindoll's book just this morning, "I have never seen an exception to this rule: Major adjustments accompany God's will. The will of God means risk." WOW IS THAT TRUE! I can honestly say that obeying God's Will has never made me feel comfortable. Now, it has made me feel obediant, excited, blessed, unsure, reliant, but never what I would describe as comfortable. The time that I was the most comfortable in my entire life was when I first married. Luke and I were both working well paying jobs, him as a youth pastor and myself as a middle school teacher. We had no children, we had plenty of income, we lived near my parents, and we were happy. A year later I was pregnant, Luke was feeling God leading him to pursue his calling to be a Lead Pastor and I knew my place was going to be at home with our first child. Our life was about to be turned upside down and we didn't even know the extent of the change we were about to experience. Luke took a new job, Joshua was born and one day in the NICU blew through our savings account leaving nothing behind. We took a sick baby to a new place with no grandparents to help us, noooooo money, no close friends, and we followed God's will.

I was more scared than I had ever been in my life. What was God doing? He was saying,"trust me." and He says it to me everyday. Since then my life has been extremely uncomfortable, but in a good way. I had never before received God's blessings like I do now, but I also face many many challenges. As my comfort zone becomes bigger I hear God's voice saying to me, "Draw a bigger circle." God's will is never for me to recline inside my comfort zone, but to take me to the places I wouldn't go if I wasn't following Him. A passage from Swindoll's book says that when people question him about God's will he usually tells them that the question isn't "What is God's will for me?", but "am I willing to follow God's will for me." God's will is everywhere, but are we willing to do it.

Good Bye 20's & Hello 30's

I can honestly say that I've learned alot about life in just last 10 years. When I see photographs of myself at age 20 and younger and I often think to myself, "oh sweet naive Mary, you have no idea what is in store for you." I'm sure that when I turn 40 I will look back at this and think something similar, but that's what life is all about. We learn many lessons as we draw closer to our Lord and as we do this we strengthen our faith and reliance on Him. Even though many of the lessons that I've learned have been difficult ones, ones I struggled through, and ones that I wince at the memory of, I am still thankful for them. They have shaped me into the person I am today and my hope is that the person I am now is wiser, braver, and more Christlike. Here are what I think are the Ten biggest realizations I've had in the last ten years.

1. no matter how much contact you have with kids, you don't really know anything until you have your own.

2. There is a certain kind of security that is given and felt when you have a relationship with your Father, and when this is lost (by death, divorce, or never established) it changes you. After the loss of my father I have an even greater understanding of why God describes himself as our Father, He can offer us a security that no one else can and I am even more dependent upon this now that I have lost my earthly father.

3. Nothing can prepare you for birth of your first child.

4. You can never pray too much.

5. It's one thing to say, "they're in a better place now." and a completely other thing to find joy in your heart knowing that it is better to be in heaven than to be with you.

6. Love that lasts is not a feeling, but a commitment.

7. Write yourself a note when you wash clothes at midnight, because you will forget, and they will make your entire house smell after 2 days.

8. When someone asks what you want for your birthday and your first instinct is to say, "I really don't NEED anything." you are officially an adult.

9. Other than death, I have yet to find anything in life that cannot be reversed or made right.

10. My regrets in life are all things I was too scared to try and none of them are things I tried and failed at.


....And I'm sure there are many others but these are the few that cross my mind the most often.

Update on the House

I keep saying that I'll post some pics of the decorating and organizing we've done at the house....but then I never do. Then last night we hosted an Open House for everyone at our church to have a chance to be welcomed into our home and since it was still clean today I thought what a perfect time to take some pictures. So here they are, a few updated pics of what is happening at Casa Baker.

These first ones are of course the Pirate Bedroom. It has been a long process but I think that we are finally done with it...for now :)

I was the most nervous about coming up with pirate-y curtains, but I feel like these turned out pretty cute!

I love the treasure map on the wall, it is one of m favorite parts of the room.

Joshua loves all the little pirate characters on the walls and the bed.

The pirate saying what perfect and every adult who sees the room LOVES it.

I wasn't sure what to do with the net I ordered but after trying it in a few places I think I like it best over the closet.

Luke was nervous about the blue and red together, but I love it. Makes me feel like I'm sailin on the 7 seas.

Of course the boys love to play in the hide-away under the bed!

The next set of pics is the guest room. We worked pretty fast to pull it together because we've already been having company and there is more to come!

I love the colors, they are so calming when you are in the room.

Thanks to 3m you can finally hang things on cement walls! I was pretty excited to try their new hangers and I think the room looks more inviting with things on the walls.

My crafting area isn't too exciting yet, but at least we got all the boxes out. Now just to start using it!

The family room had finally come together I think. I've tried several different arrangements and this seems to be the one that we've liked the best.

If you remember our hutch from our previous home, this is what is left of it after the move :( it was the only thing that really broke

This is the room where we are hiding our notorious red couch, and Luke's new recliner

We finally got our bedroom painted and I LOVE it. I had doubts about the orange when Luke first started painting it, but it really is beautiful and so cheery.

These are a few bathroom pics just in case you were wondering what they are like :)

This is the bathroom off from the master bedroom

This one is near the kitchen

Joe's bedroom is coming along and will be the next one that we paint.

We actually bought this rug before we moved and I thought I would like it for our bedroom, but I love it in Joe's

nothing too exciting but soon there will be paint!

Lastly here are a couple of Luke's study at the house now that it is free of boxes.

I did not include the dining room and living room this time because they are pretty much the same. But the house is really feeling like home now and we are loving it.

4 Years Already

Joshua is 4!

I'm gonna go ahead and give the standard mom exclamation, "I can't believe he is already 4!" Over the weekend we had a few new friends over for a birthday party, a Pirate birthday party of course. Joshua is still quite obsessed with pirates and his birthday was one big pirate whirlwind.  He'd been requesting his party be pirate themed for quite a while so he was very pleased to see that his pleas had been heard.

He had the best day! Lots of fun with his new friends, and of course cake, ice cream, and presents! Luke's parents sent a super fun pirate water table that the kids had a blast with. Our backyard has become quite the play place with the new water table and also a sandbox (Joshua's gift from my mother).The kids all ran and played, and of course pretended to be pirates. I was exhausted by the end of the day but luckily we had our Marci here to help out! Joshua was so excited that Marci came to visit this weekend. It was an added bonus that she flew here because that meant we got to drive to the airport and see all the planes too.

Today is the actual birthday and we've had a relaxing family day together. I took a few special pictures of my Big Boy and for some reason he wanted to wear his Superman footsie jammies in them. Of all the crazy things in his closet I think that he picked the craziest, but I wanted to capture his true character so I went along with it.

So hard to think that he's the same kid that was so frail at birth. God has already done such a work in Joshua and I know he isn't finished. We are so blessed everyday by his smiles, his giggles and his silly preschooler antics. If you haven't heard Joshua's story you can find it here on my blog: http://truepastorswife.blogspot.com/2011/03/joshua-miracle.html
It's an amazing one filled with God's grace, love, faithfulness and holiness.
Happy Birthday Joshua!

It's nice to be nice...isn't it?

I love being a Pastor's Wife.

I'm sure my husband would like to have that recorded and play it back to me sometimes when being a Pastor's wife becomes more than difficult. Over all though, I love being married to a Pastor. I have an amazing Godly man who leads our home and sets a great example for our sons, and I also have the opportunity to be nice to alot of people. As a Pastor's wife I am made aware of the needs of our congregation and I am often able to meet these needs and/or provided encouragement to those who need it. I love doing that! I love knowing that I was able to show God's love to someone who needed it whether it was by sending a card, cooking a meal, or just saying you mean alot to our family and you are loved.

I often read A Diary of Private Prayer (an amazing book I would recommend to anyone & was recommended to me by my dearest friend Marci). This book speaks to my heart always. It is written in very old English and has many "Ye's" and "-eths" at the end of words, but even the language seeps into my soul and is absorbed to (I hope) the point of making me a better, more Christlike person. If you've never read it I would suggest getting a copy, it has forever changed my prayer life.

The prayer I was reading a few days ago is the eighth day morning prayer.
                                            "O God, give me the grace today to think, not of what I can get, but of what I can give, Jesus Christ said, when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth.  O God, grant that what I give may be given without self-congratulation, and without thought of praise or reward.

It goes on to continue being completely amazing, but this is the part that has lingered in my mind for days.  "grant that what I give may be given without self-congratulation, and without thought of praise or reward." I'm not sure about anyone else, but I self-congratulate myself like crazy!!! I didn't even know that a phrase existed to describe this action, but I am most certainly guilty of it! So how do I stop?!?! I have given this some serious thought since I initially read it, and here is what I have come up with:
1. stop self praising. I constantly do this when "blessing" someone. I write a nice card and the whole time I'm thinking about how they are going to think I am so thoughtful for remembering them, or I tell myself they are going to tell Luke he has the best wife etc. etc. It is self-congratulation at its worst.

2. Replace self praise with Thanksgiving to God. Instead of thinking of how wonderful the thing that I'm doing is, I replace it in my mind by thanking God for the resources I have that enable me to cook a meal for a family that needs it. I thank Him for giving me the skill and talent of cooking, for giving me their friendship that has blessed my life so that I in return want to bless their lives.

3. I stop making everything about me. This is by far the most difficult. I don't know why this is so easy to do but WOW, I see my kids doing this constantly and I am no different. I can take any situation and in 2 second flat boil it down to me and my feelings. This step will take much discipline, practice and prayer.

I just read in Great Days with Great Lives by Charles Swindoll where he says that the only place to be that is worse than the end of a self- willed life, is being in the middle of one.

AMEN! He goes on to say that when in life we cannot come up with the answer on our own we always assume we need more education and more knowledge when if fact what we need is more wisdom and discernment and those come from God and knowing Him more and being in His word more, and  listening to Him more.

Being a Pastor's wife has blessed my life in unexplainable ways. I hope that when I bless others they can see that it is God's love in what I do. I hope that I can step out of the way of my own actions and let Christ be seen in my own life.